Today was interesting, dad came to see me at work and no one else at all was in the shop and I almost cried and it was very embarrassing. BUT then Izzy and Miss Evans came to see me and hugely cheered me up. They were off to get Izzy's tattoo done- which I want to see!!

AND this really sweet 20 (ish) year old guy came in like... a few weeks ago and had asked me where was a bad part of salisbury to live, so I told him. He came in today and bought himself some more aftershave and he recognised me: 'I found a flat' and we chatted about his flat. Then he said 'Is it just you who works on weekends?' and I said 'I'm still at college so I can't do weekdays, so yeah I'm here every weekend.' and he was really sweet and went 'I'll see you around then'. Keeno beeno.

Also had a really nice time with Jessie, Chris Holford and then a couple of guys I didn't know. Was just nice to be all perky and happy. Speaking to Chris after years was nice, he's a really sweet guy. None of the guys made any jokes about the number of jumpers I was wearing which was nice, I'm not used to people not laughing at what I'm wearing. To be honest though, if people aren't laughing at what I'm wearing, I'm not wearing something that represents me. Okay, that sounded far more bitter than it needed to.

If I'm honest, I feel a bit shit today. I've been wallowing in my own patheticness. But then I watched take me out and I feel better, and actually I feel like I'm about to get a major doseage of mojo, which I am in DESPERATE need for. I've been mojoless for too long.

My tasks for tonight are starting to write a proper script for a new play idea, I'm thinking, three characters, a girl gets home to find her boyfriend with someone else, and she pretends it's cool and introduces herself to the girl as his friend and lies about herself lots. Set at uni. Could be really funny, or an utter disaster. But I shall PERSEVERE. Problem is, you know you're shit at spelling when you type 'guarantee' and it suggests you meant 'garnet' not good.

But ahahaha I could watch this over and over, I already have:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZhRs

THIS IS REALLY SCARY- I've wanted to post a video of me singing for a long time but never had the balls. I decided, when I finally post a video, I promised myself it would be this song by Bonnie Raitt. This is the best my voice can do, and it isn't brilliant but it's me.

Song to make you feel like a boss: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjDdGKBhTuo

Actually found today pretty useful, was really fun to imagine life in a year and half's time- OH MY GOSH IT'S SO SOON!! AHHHH!! Exciteeddddd.

Off tonight to see Alice in Wonderland with beautiful Beth because her brother's in it... thinking I might dress up for this play. I love it. Then Jessie's coming over to Beth's and we're having a girly sleepover. Work from 10 till 5 tomorrow- lshglskdhgselkhg.

Feeling pretty positive today, was in a really good mood and had a lovely day first with a couple of people I don't normally talk to (yep, first impressions are wrong) then with Evie. We left feedback forms for Boston in children's hand writing- rebellious! Also had an incident in a toilet- no loo roll left. These things always happen to me. Anyway, sadly, Georgina is leaving me, Jessie is leaving me, Em is leaving me to go off on holiday this week. Very sad. Still, I have work to do.

As for things I need to sort out, english, art, art, art, art, art and art. AAh. So much to do all the time! Still, I'm feeling ok. I still feel like crying all the time, but now I feel like crying because everything's so lovely and nice. Well, most things anyway. Couple of things to sort out. And also, I LOVE IZZY HUMBEY. She's made me feels tonnes better about myself recently, talking to her's been instantly easy, feels like a big sister. Love it when you find someone you can completely trust when you barely know them.

So, that's been my day and life today. Cheerio!!

At the moment, and I know everyone feels like this, sometimes it feels like there isn't enough oxygen in your lungs. I'll describe how I feel and see if you feel the same. Sit up straight and close your eyes. And then you take in this massive breathe through your nose and you hold it, because when you're breathing it in it feels so refreshing. Then you hold it and it starts to shake and close up in your body. So you just let it all go quickly. It's like the stress just cramps out your entire body again and you can't think straight. But for those few blissful seconds when you're holding in the air, it's like you're free. I like it but it's never enough. One day, I'm going to get on a train and arrive in the countryside, proper countryside, and I'm going to put this song in my ears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePatJIwB-sI&feature=autoplay&list=PL999E2BCC2AFD9BF0&lf=mh_lolz&playnext=2 and I'm going to stand and look out on a sunrise over a really cold hill, where the sun is bright orange. And I'm going to breathe in and feel like it's worked.

I'm afraid I have some extremely bad news for you today.




Because I've been asked by someone to do a blog post on purely them, I'm not going to be able to do a massive blog complain about how I'm having a night in when everyone else has gone out.

Ok. Here it is.

Used to be pretty good best friends a few years back, (despite constantly telling each other we were ugly), and now, there is literally nothing I can't tell you about. I think it's taken a couple of years to get over our difference in taste, in a lot of areas, but I genuinely love you. I spend most of my in school time with you, love our walks and trips to boston (wink).

The fact that you've always been 1, (or 2, or 3, or 4), steps ahead of me makes me life HUGELY easy, so thank you for that. You're the fearless one, I'm the pathetic one, and that's ok. But seriously, you've got to stop letting me buy those cookies so regularly. It's ridiculous. I love working with you in drama, you're hilarious, and the faces you pull behind shingle's back make me smile.

There are some things which I always want to go straight to you about when they happen to me. I don't know why, but you always pop into my head. I'll be honest, I'm surprised we're still such good friends after we changed so much over the years, I kept thinking something would weaken our friendship, but if anything I've got closer to you this year. I think being good friends with you before has just made it so easy for us to tell each other anything. And we were always both fucking weird, and that blatantly is something which comes alive when we're together. Whether it's chasing squirrels, (I'll admit, my idea), or you having to say stuff for me because I'm too embarrassed 'My friend really needs the loo.' (you don't know this, but when you said that I was behind you, clutching my stomach and bent over).

Shit things you've done to me over the years:
1. Putting me in bottom set maths- I mean for god's sake, pupils are meant to teach other pupils, not teachers. Idiot.
2. Lugging me round looking for valentines chocolate when I'm trying to watch what I eat.
3. Biting me till I cried....

Ok I was struggling with that. All I could think of was shit things I've done to you over the years (I'm very sorry, I was a shit friend, I know that). SO here's all the nice things you've done to me over the years:
1. NUMBER 1- MY FAVOURITE THING YOU'VE EVER DONE FOR ME - putting Duffy 'Mercy' on your iPod so I could listen to it on the bus to your house.
2. You once went 'You've got some make up on your chin' and rubbed it in for me
3. taking me um.... shopping? ;)
4. giving me countless pieces of homework for me to copy
5. writing up that once beach road review for me... the silly one.
6. kissing me to prove George and James wrong. (best win ever).

I could go on but I want a bath. Me-time and everything.
I LOVE YOU.

And finally:
YOU HAVE A GORGEOUS ARSE.

I want to get out of Salisbury!

Got seriously close to going to the train station today. I think I have stress issues, because I have nothing to be worried about. Argh and I'm kind of annoyed, I really wanted to do something other than go to the social, so I haven't got a ticket or anything but now all my friends are going and I'm just staying at home. Oh well. I'll have a nice evening with my parents? At least I won't be tired the next day? I'm clutching at straws here. I'm going to have a sucky evening of course.

I'm really sick of being so manic all the time lately. I barely have time to breath. I figured it out today, I have about 3 days of the half term where I'm completely free, which is less than if I had the weekends off, so I'm getting no extra time off really. And if I want to meet up with friends? Argh. Sucks.

Ironically, I felt quite positive when I got home. Like happy grumpy, but now I just feel pissy. 

Ooh but I love this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyN_jD58qCI&feature=autoplay&list=PL61664A7554D238D0&lf=plpp_video&playnext=3

But that's the way life swings I guess. After half term everything will be easier. And it's nearly time to start thinking of exams- eek. Normally I'd hit anyone who mentioned that, but I feel sort of excited about going into mad isolation to study for something that'll matter. I know we say that every year, but this year actually matters. I want to do well in life. Although, by the looks of it- I may be signed up for a youtube career now- thanks for the support everyone!

That's all for now, have to get ready for stage (hello trackies) and yeah. Ps. what does 'ma' in chinese even mean???