Gapping

 For a while now I've wanted to do a follow up post just to reassure everyone, you wouldn't believe how many people actually contacted me giving me advice and spurring me on. I think that's always nice, when you see how much people really care for you. At the time I wrote it, because of the time change everyone I really needed to speak to was asleep and I was in bits. The main reason I posted it was because I wanted some reassurance there and then. Possibly I'd call that attention seeking... Partly I also wanted it as a memoir as well.

 The day after that post, I was sat in my hostel frustrated that no one was talking. I caught eyes with an American girl and got chatting, and her Australian friend came over and said she'd heard me crying on FaceTime to my parents and that I was saying things she felt and she tried to find me after but I'd gone. After that one day with people it snowballed, I was with someone day and evening for the rest of my time in LA. As soon as that happened, I forced myself to stay by booking tickets and trips for my time in America. My thinking was each time I'm in a new place I should make the most of that, because I may never be back and I have the tickets booked and I'm here now. Then I just have to get on the next flight.

 My aim over the next year is to write a book of my journey. I kept a small notepad which has an outline of what we did each day, people we met. I've tried to soak in as much as I possibly can. 

 For me this experience has been more about it's consequences than its actual experience, if you catch my drift. This has been the most incredible year, totally made up for those lousy years in sixth form. I had the most fun week ever in France. During my whole time at South Wilts, I never made friends in an easy way, it always took time. As soon as I arrived in the Alps, I was sat on a sofa with a bunch of strangers. The woman running the course read out my name with two others and we nodded at each other shyly. We were put in a room and a team together and it took about an hour for me to realise I had made two of the best friends I think I will ever have, that was an incredible feeling. No one had as much fun as we did that week and I'm so excited to still be going to see them soon.

 My parents and I had become an impenetrable unit and were torn apart by their move. I can still remember the evening I was moving out to two doors down, holding my parents and all three of us sobbing. They are my best friends too and I miss them so much right now. Knowing that I will always have that love and support to go back to makes me feel so grateful, especially having seen the unkindness and hearing the stories of others who weren't so lucky around the world.

 At the beginning of this academic year I told myself enough was enough, no more pissing around with boys and being an obvious loon about it. I was working seven days a week, travelling and then going to university. There will be no time for any boys. Inevitably once you think something like that, what happens? You land yourself in a serious relationship - my first ever. That was hugely terrifying; the only reason we went for a drink in the first place was so I could say it was too awkward and we should just be friends. However after a few whiskeys I completely forgot my prepared speech and now look where I am. 

 That brought massive stress to me as well because I had these feelings I'd never had before, I was working early and then waiting up late till James got home from work and waking early to head to work again every day, it exhausted both of us. Many people are surprised that any couple can come out the other end of travelling and be stronger for it. I cried like a baby saying goodbye to James at the airport. What a fantastic journey that's proving to be as well.

 Being away has also made me appreciate the friends I have at home, new and old. I feel really close to so many people even being away. Sometimes it takes space to see who is important. I remember when Barney went away this year that I missed him more than I thought I would. I miss Ollie massively, I miss Jessie, Georgina, heaps of people. My brother's gorgeous girlfriend Charlie who I feel super close to now as well, like a big sister. And people I wasn't so close too as well. I'm excited to be going to university with someone from the past I'd lost touch with.

 Right now I have 18 days left. I'm in Lima, which is pretty quiet. Then I have to trek Machu Picchu which will be interesting seeing as today I've just bought a course of some dodgy antibiotics without a prescription and using screenshots from google translate... But it'll be one hell of an experience. Then finally I have five days in Brazil, where I'm meeting someone very important from my past. I'm so looking forward to seeing a familiar face out here - people kept saying to me 'you're only 24 hours away from us' that's too far sometimes. So that will give me the boost I need to finish this.

 I am gagging to get home, and hand on heart if someone told me I was coming home tomorrow I'd be so glad. But what I am getting from this trip more than anything is the inspiration of what to do when I'm home. Being in California made me want to help homeless people, my god it's sad how the richest country in the world can't keep more people off the street and safe. Reading Stephen Fry's autobiography has made me want to study like crazy and I cannot wait to get a job and start writing.

 And I tell you what, for all the people who haven't travelled, the one thing I've taken away strongest is that I absolutely love my country, my culture, my food, the people at home. You don't know what you've got till it's gone and for everyone who still says England is 'crap' you should really not take it for granted. The poorest people in our country have benefits and rights like nowhere else I've seen - even America. We have a beautiful country and amazing culture. We should be really proud of that, I am.