Judgemental

  I have been thinking. I have to admit, I'm a very judgmental person. I think I'm nice, I think, but I'm also very easily swayed to disliking people. Generally, I believe it's because I expect people to dislike me above a certain 'social class' and so I dislike them before they can dislike me. People that I meet and expect to get on with I'll be much nicer. Not that I do anything nasty to people who are 'better' than me, (from my point of view), but I'll confess I've been an instigator of that disgusted face girls pull. But then little gestures change my mind. I just have to start remembering that everyone has a nice side, or they wouldn't have friends. You'd hope.

  South Wilts is really getting to me today. For example, we were in the common room and it was virtually empty, so I got up on the sofa with a couple of friends and we did some shit dancing and pretended to be gansters. I think I got away with that because everyone was laughing, but as we left to rehearse we had a couple of disgusted looks from people 'better' than us. And I thought, what is your point. Because there is a certain thing that people do, purposefully waiting for you to look at them before they go:

  Why? Why are you bothering with me? I wouldn't mind if they waited till I left and then said "That was lame." But why do it to my face and threaten my self confidence with it? Because you put enough girls in one place, add 7 years and hundreds of stressful exams, a few boys to fight over along the way, and we all turn into these bitchy cat fighters. I don't want to make anyone upset or hurt because I've judged them. Sometimes girls need to question their behaviour but I never want anyone to do that because of me, hell I might have them all wrong.

  I guess what I've learnt today is that no one should make you feel like that when you've not done anything actually bad. Had I stabbed a teacher or cut a frog's head off, then I might understand the face. But because I danced on a sofa? Naaah... not feeling the need.

  Just looking forward to people starting to act like grown ups. This is a stroppy post but there you go, I'm a bit annoyed and a bit hurt really.

  Here's a funny picture of me looking fat:

It's amazing how much a little creature can wriggle into your life in just one day. I think it's a huge testament to life in general, it makes me feel very positive about impacting on others, knowing how much a little bird can get to me in less than 24 hours.

We had 6 baby chicks to begin with, tonight 4 remain. One died on the way home, the second, who we named 'Tyson' as a sort of good omen, died this evening. She was very quiet and a lot smaller than the other chicks, and didn't open her eyes all day. So naturally Mum and I doted on her all day, trying everything we found on the internet to help her. She got a bit better when Chloe came round this afternoon but she died in Chloe's palms.

Look how cute!

 (This was in Mum's bandana-singing-to-the-chick stage of research)

R.I.P. Tyson. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bek1y2uiQGA

"I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's master plan, go to school, get a job, get a mortgage... all I'm really doing is dying."

This song is my baby.

  I like signs, I think they're nice and always help you out. I had a sign just now, I've been doing this whole healthy thing for the past two days:
1. 10 minute 'miracle' yoga
2. 100 tummy tones
3. The 30 day squat challenge
So anyway, I get home and have this huge craving for Nutella pancakes. I go into the cupboard, there's no Nutella left. A sign. It's made me feel stronger.

  The squat challenge is a complete bitch by the way, I woke up the day after the initial night of 50 squats. I couldn't move. Getting up or down stairs for the rest of the day was agonising. I felt like my body was laughing at me, but persevering has made all the difference. It's amazing how much willpower we store away. I am determined this year to actually get that "summer body." I have to, seeing as I'm now going on a holiday to the classy Malia with 4 other girls (definitely eyeing up the competition). So girls, take my word for it I will beat you to the best bikini bod. And no I will not be uploading photos of this.

  Apart from that, my day consisted of a lesson where James Kelly pretended to be a woman chatting up Tom - who was getting increasingly uncomfortable). This was very entertaining. Lots to do for our performance to parents yet, getting a bit nervous. Just need to learn the lines this weekend ready for our tech- eek! Anyway, then I had frees, then lunch with Georgina at Wagamamas, which I hadn't been too for zonks. Bumped into Sarah McAbendroth on my way to meet Georgina as well, and was very jealous of her immense tan.

Then after my final lesson of the day and a walk home with the elated weekend version of James Kelly, (he's a cross between Kermit the frog and Happy the dwarf when it's a friday afternoon), I came home to find Pineapple muffins and a note from my mum saying: "These are fucking lovely! PTO... so are you x" Enough to make anyone's day. PLUS I SAW TWO MAGPIES!!

  Off to do my yoga motherfuckerrrrrs.

Well, James Kelly has been pestering me no end about writing a post that's ALL ABOUT HIM. So here it is. I hope you're happy Kelly.

James lives two doors down from me and HE WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. He used to send me creepy texts saying he could see me, and his twin Chris kept leaving me food on my wall, really strange. And then his mum and my mum flirted and became mumsy friends (James' mum is called Joy and she's lovely and she has a warm smile).

Funny thing is James and I used to hate each other - more than we do now. We were in a bit of a friendship 'group' for a while and we were the only ones that didn't speak and didn't like each other, James would even stay in town for an extra 10 minutes so we didn't have to walk home together, including one night when it was pitch black and I had a body con skirt and no tights on... totally over it. Not mad at all.

Just kidding!

A couple of good moments from our "friendship:"

1. James: There once was a girl called Poppy,
who made all the boy's dicks go floppy.
She got all upset, then got with a vet.
And now she's always stroppy.
Poppy: Nice James.
James: I know.
Poppy: Okay, I have one for you.
James: Go on...
Poppy: There once was a boy called James.
He died.

2. James: I realised the other day, we're only friends because we HAVE to be. You're taking two of my subjects, we walk to school and we live two doors apart. We have to be friends. I don't have any escape.
Poppy: Nice.

3. Poppy: Is that woman jewish?
James: She's chinese you fucktard.

4. Poppy: So basically, she was talking about this other girl behind her back and I overheard them and I was like- hang on a minute! And then I mentioned it to that guy from the play and-
James: AAAARGH I DON'T CARE POPPY.
Poppy: ....


Ps. Heard this song today and got all nostalgic about childhood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suWQZlL2-a4

Pps. do not buy shit headphones, they suck.

No more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=g8PrTzLaLHc

I've snapped. You know when you get to that point where you think to yourself, no more. Today I stood holding 2 chocolate bars, an apple tart and a smartie cookie. This was my lunch, followed by a chocolate muffin at home. I've started to notice my weight's been creeping up. And I thought to myself, no more. No more eating sugary foods and feeling unwell all the time. No more acting like you're indestructible. No more.

So it's that time again. Time for a 30 day squat challenge, for tummy toning and to stop eating crap. I'm bored of feeling groggy and ill because I want to live to my flavour. My parents are selling our house at some point soon, so it's time to clear out all the stuff in my room that I don't want to have to hold onto. It feels good to suddenly be this inspired by everything. Partly I like how up and down my life can be, because the highs are so worth it, the confidence is incredibly encouraging. And my dad was talking about how boring life can be when everything is on a level, so I don't want to be one of those people it's easy to know, not in an exhausting way, but you'll never be a great friend if you don't have a great life and perspective.

I believe everything is the way you look at it, that quote about relationships I mentioned previously has really reminded me of this. It's tiring having to look at the negative all the time and not putting effort in because you dislike something is much less fun than seeing things as a temporary task and just getting on with it. Nothing is going to happen or change if you're not going to change your attitude. Sometimes I think people who live their lives like that are only around to inspire everybody else to keep themselves from slipping into that.

British people seem to have a tendency to be cynical and extremely downcast, it can be easy to join that. But I don't want to be like that right now, can't think of a better time to pull myself together. So it's time to do my exams, I'm really enjoying revising just because you can finally find yourself falling in love with what you've been studying without the pressure of teachers forcing you to.

And has anyone else realised this, in 5 months we're leaving our homes and never. Coming. Back.

Ever.

Wowza.

One of Those Days.

It's been one of those days today, where everything's been a bit overwhelming. I mean, for a start we were late to school, then it just went from there really.

I came home to find that Manchester are letting me differ my entry, and that I might be moving in with Barney, Ollie and Bex.

IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS MY FRIENDS!!

I had you starting to feel all melancholy there now didn't I! Plus I had a funny time in Shakydog, that incredibly charming salesman in there talked yet again into another amazing milkshake and I said to him today "You could sell me a goat and I'd still leave thinking it was a good idea." He laughed, it was nice to hear someone laugh at something I've said.

Here is a video of my Mum trying to make Chloe better (she's much better now) plus we might be getting some chicks soon!!

Do you know, I read something extraordinary today which made me think twice about everything. I was reading this blog post about Jada Pinkett-Smith (that's Will Smith's lady) and the way she spoke about cheating made me re-think my whole attitude to being with someone. She says:

"I've always told Will, 'You can do whatever you want as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be OK. Because at the end of the day, Will is his own man. I'm here as his partner, but he is his own man. He has to decide who he wants to be and that's not for me to do for him. Or vice versa."

(If you're interested the full article's on the Cosmopolitan website)

I mean, obviously I'm extremely un-experienced in the way of relationships, and I can't say I've ever dwelled on the thoughts of what I would do if someone cheated on me. Sometimes you imagine being in another person's position if they've been cheated on, but as far as I've ever developed these musings, I believe when someone has cheated on you, or you have cheated on them the situation needs to be questioned. Why did they cheat and can it be redeemed? Or saved, whatever word you want to use. Haven't ever decided it was the deal-breaker to a relationship. I don't think it should be, these things happen extremely easily, especially if they're purely sexual. (That's right, I'm going to use that word
with confidence, we are getting old enough to hear it without cringing now right? Well, almost.)

Jada's attitude flummoxed me. It's a whole different way of looking at a situation and I like it. The tough thing is of course, that if you've chosen a shitface as your boyfriend/girlfriend and you say what Jada thinks - to your partner - then the chances are they'll be very excited to have an open relationship. Not quite what she means. It sounds to me like she's saying if Will needed to satisfy some flingy need or whatever, then that's okay. But not to do it constantly. The truth is, the best thing a woman can do in a relationship is to find a way to let the man be a man. That's what I feel, anyway.

So now if I was with someone, I might feel differently about it. Of course, if you were going to have that attitude you'd have to consider a couple of things:
a) You'd have to tell them that you feel this way about your relationship, otherwise they'd cheat with a different mindset about you, if you see what I mean
b) Whether you'd actually mind if he cheated. You can't tell him to make his own decisions and then cry and scream at him afterwards. Just no.

There's my thoughts for today. Something to think about no?

Check this, it's incredible:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrITKatzefg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3M4aPpUr_8

Beautiful version of Amazing Grace sang by Meryl Streep. Thought that would be more poignant because she played Margaret Thatcher in that film about Margaret Thatcher... you know the one.

I find the developments of our history today very interesting, I always do when important things happen. Like the appointment of Obama, I cried like a little girl (partly because I was one). I think it's a wonderful thing to witness history. 

But what I wanted to ponder about today was the reaction of our country to her death. There was a very interesting article about young people under 35 and how they took the news, mainly it brought joy to people. How awful I suppose. I did speak to a couple of people today who were very glad to see her go, but personally I'm not so sure how to feel about it. The article I read said: "THOUSANDS of people under 35 are rejoicing at the demise of a woman they once read about." What a way to put it. Listening to Dad ranting I can appreciate she may not have been the kind of woman you'd want to rule the world, but she may be a woman you'd like to sit next to at a dinner. There are a couple more quotes on the actual page below:
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/people-with-no-idea-who-thatcher-was-ecstatic-that-shes-dead-2013040865066

She was rejected from a job in 1948 after her graduation, with the employer describing her as: "headstrong, obstinate woman and dangerously self-opinionated." I think that seems to sum it up. The Falklands was ridiculous and pointless and her teeth needed some dental work, but she just doesn't seem like an evil woman. To me, she appears to be an ambitious woman challenging the barriers before her, with no empathy for those who did not succeed, nor an understanding of how others did not succeed. All she saw around her for her life was hard grafting and ambition. So naturally, it's easy to see where she came from. 

So I don't hate this woman, nor am I sad at her death - though she's now physically gone, I doubt anyone expected her to start to dominate the world with Dementia. I didn't. 

There we go really. Rest in peace Maggie Thatcher, and all of that.

This is a wonderful idea:

http://donthatedonate.com/

To stop people going mad.

"Where there is discord, may we bring harmony. 
Where there is error, may we bring truth. Where 
there is doubt, may we bring faith. And where there 
is despair, may we bring hope."

A Clueless Moron Chapter 1

What was an attempt at a conversation with my pa, turned into this. We didn't talk much in the video anyway, so I thought I'd show you something which suited well the new title of my blog. I think I'm going to stick with that one, it amuses and epitomises me.

Like I promised.