Rock, Paper, Scissors

I was having a thought today about this game. The fact that paper beats a rock... I remember as a child having it explained to me as the fact that the rock can be covered by the paper. If anything though, all you end up with then is a well dressed rock. If someone threw it at you, it would still hurt. Which, surely, makes it more dangerous, because it's giving you a false impression. You'd find it all wrapped up and you'd think 'Ooh someone's given me a present, I'll open that up' and then it's just a rock. Then you'd be all annoyed and think, well why has someone given me a rock, that's just mean and not very funny. You may then sit for a while and try to work out if it was a personal joke you'd forgotten, and then eventually you'd just think 'Fuck it, this bitch gave me a rock for my birthday' and throw it out the window and kill a cat or something.

In fact, maybe the rock was never for you. Maybe it was a magical rock meant for someone else. Or maybe it was made by someone like me, trying to prove a point to a friend.

Plus surely you'd need a bit of sticky tape to hold the paper around the rock? And you've now crumpled the paper and made it look horrid so how does it win? I don't think the makers of this chance game really thought it through.

Didn't know I'd be able to squeeze so much written theory out of that cogent thought...


Night.

In the Midst of it All

  Well I seem to be in a stress factory. I keep going into work at the minute twitching with worry and not entirely sure why. I suppose the obvious answer is that you absorb the atmosphere you live in. Seems to be true at the moment with the house move stuff... thingy. Majig.

  Anyhoo, my friends are all leaving me, and this hadn't hit home until Saturday, (enter vodka), I remember being in the Chapel - which I don't think is very good and I wouldn't pay a fiver again - and then I was in Zoo hugging girls and crying. And I suddenly thought... hang on... they're all leaving. You can't help but wonder as well how many of them you'll still be in touch with one day, which makes you even sadder.

  So I felt the need to make my goodbyes. This week I am seeing four friends before they head off, I am going to miss them dearly. I will of course be saying goodbyes to people individually but I feel like a general post would be nice. For those of you who know me from school, you're going to be thinking: 'Oh I feel all nostalgic and emotional that this era has ended' for those of you who know me elsewhere, you'll be thinking: 'What the fuck is she talking about. But awwh I feel all warm inside.'

Here goes:

1. To all the amazing people I've shared lessons and laughs with. I remember kicking my friend's chair and him grabbing my foot constantly, to the point where at parent's evening my teacher told my parents to stop me flirting. I've had people who've helped me so much when I've struggled with topics or whatever, and people like Georgina, who just drew all over me and laughed for a year. All of you people, that I ever got to meet and share time with. Thank y'all.

2. The people that I've been friends with, have been so much fun. I've loved making friends with new people this year, and will always remember the laughs we've had. I can't think of a single example, but I'm sure we have laughed together. It's something that happens to teenagers...

3. For the people I've loved and lost, so to speak (not literally, calm down). I can hand on heart say I wouldn't be the person I am without experiencing what I've experienced with you all. Be it watching people take ecstasy to hungover Wild Child viewings. I'm sad to have lost the closeness to some people, but the time we had has shaped me more as a person than any other friendships. I suppose that has it's pros and cons.

4. To James Bradwell, you are wonderful.

  I look forward hugely to watching the new adventures you all undertake this year at university and wish you all the best. If our journeys entwine again, (that sounded a bit frivolous sorry), I shall be fascinated to see the difference your experiences make of you. I am extremely jealous that I have to wait a year to go to uni, but I should probably go and calm down a bit before I go off. Let's face it I'm still like an excited puppy at christmas.


...Mind you that's a poor example because I doubt puppies, or dogs even, understand the concept of Christmas...

...technicality is ruining my point again. Bye.

Stress

  The last few days I have found myself hugely stressed and can't seem to identify why that is. I think maybe it's a collection of things; my parents are getting close to setting an exchange date for the house which means I'm going to have to go through the mountain of crap in my room. Not looking forward to that so much.

  It might be trying to find my exam results to fill in a remark form in for monday.

  Could be work.

  Or getting ready for Geneva.

  Or being a lone wolf.

  Who knows? I suppose like any normal stress it's a combination of things. So when I get home from work today I am going to take a deep breath and find my exams, get that slip out of the way, maybe just that gesture will make me feel a little better.

  I've put weight on too. It's on my face again. That must be the consequence of having about 3 lunches every day for 5 weeks. So it's time to start easing off too much food as well. I am silly.

  What else...

...nothing really. I'm going 'out' tonight so maybe there'll be gossip tomorrow. Or shenanigans. Fingers crossed.

  I have been debating for a while whether or not to be fully honest with you all in many respects, particularly with my 'love life'. I've thought about how it's best to appear positive and happy at all times, but that goes against my belief in being true to yourself and upfront. And so heart beats mind.

  Because the truth is, I love being single, I've never had a 'proper' boyfriend like many of my friends have, and that's just how it is. I always have needed my independence. To be honest, although I am pretty laid back I think if any guy were to be my boyfriend at this point in my life, he'd have a lot of work cut out in keeping me settled and happy. I have never been the type of girl who'd be happy with a routine of seeing someone the same time each week, doing the same thing, texting constantly. It's not me, and that's what young relationships are like, it's normal. We have obsessive, all encompassing love.

 But honestly, hand on heart, I do get lonely. That's only natural. It's just a common feeling, when you watch Ross and Rachel on T.V., or a photo of someone you liked comes up on Facebook, or when people ask you: "Do you have a boyfriend?" and you say "Not at the moment, no" and they say: "Oh.. never mind." Or when I'm feeling tired or ill and all I want is to curl up with someone and sleep.

  Though it is always the times you least expect it someone amazing comes along. Now that the whole male population of Salisbury my age is leaving to go to uni I shall well and truly be not expecting I am sure. Not that I'm religious, but if baby Jesus wants to send down some totty I'd be grateful as hell.

  Bit of an honest Poppy tonight for you.

Gave it a go...

Well I gave this song a go... doesn't really suit my voice but there we go!! There is another post from tonight, do check it out (like you would a nice boy's bottom).

Pride

  Today I took my first phone call without anyone sat with me. It was a most terrifying sweaty adrenaline rush. But I did it, and yes I had to call her back because I forgot everything, but the point is I DID IT. I just wish we could have some way of filtering the easier calls to the trainees... but it was awesome. I was shaking a lot afterwards, but the rush was really rewarding. I love talking to people, you're never lonely.

  Other excitements are that my mum's Messiah Project is finally starting to get the recognition it deserves, she's evens started setting up a blog tonight, (with the addition of my help and an amount of swearing), so watch this space, I shall be linking it when she writes. I am sure it will be like my blog, but funnier and better written.

  It's one of those days where hard work pays off, I am hugely proud of the ideas my mum comes up with, her determination and drive to see them through without any relent, and her passion for helping timid singers. I think I should count myself lucky for having such an inspirational, intelligent fucking pain in the arse of a mother. How many people can say that they are inspired by their Mum? Not many I think. Very proud daughter.

  To be fair, my dad is having an equally taxing day. He's been given the gruelling task of cooking supper, which he is fretting about no end bless him. Mum really has set a high challenge with this one.

  ANYWAY please can you click the link to her website and just click 'like' on the homepage on the left. No excuses.
http://www.cloud9press.co.uk/

Hey if you really like me and want to earn brownie points, why not share it with anyone you want?!

That's all for now folkes.

  Well. The days blur into one. Every Wednesday seems to be a Tuesday to me. And today I had the horror of seeing a new trainee sat with MY mentor. Not happy. Competition.

  But apart from work I don't really do much. I find myself not as conscious of my thoughts nowadays, the way I used to study them has waned. Nothing seems to happen or be achieved. I am too tired to read, and I miss my friends when I can't see them. I was flung into this completely different routine and now it seems that I am playing catch up.

  I walked home tonight, staring at my tummy. It seems those extra lunches, (my reputation for consuming food has now reached the level where other colleagues pass along their unwanted food in my direction without an utterance), are finally catching up with me. Bit of a tum I have. And my face is getting chubby. Not terribly, but when you have a food baby a good 4 hours after lunch, it's time to reconsider those extra chocolate bars right? - fyi. 3 chocolate bars for £1.20 in Tesco at the moment.

  I've kept kidding myself that I'd become some sort of career goddess when my job started, that I'd have my own flat, I'd wake early to do my work-out (har har) and stroll into work looking effortlessly together and awake, regular coffee in hand. And I'd just smile and say good morning without dropping anything or making a weird noise. But who am I kidding?! It is of course, me.

So. I seem to be a caricature of myself nowadays, if that were possible. But I accept that now.

  What next? I am tidying my room tonight, I shall be starting to send things to the charity shop soon, and that's that. Clear out the old and bring in the new. How can we become a better person without our environment changing? I leave you to ponder that. Happy happy happy Poppy.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

  Walking home from work on Friday evening I found myself in a sort of euphoric state. I had just had drinks at the pub with some truly wonderful and wacky work colleagues, and felt particularly fantastic. When I pushed aside the fact that my eyes hurt like hell (stress problems) and work is exhausting me, I felt amazing.

  I think specifically, the infection of a genuine smile made my day. You can appreciate how great this world is by giving a huge all-teeth-american-girl-style smile to passers by. In return, you'd get the same honest smile back and the sort of glow of someone who's day had just improved. There are polite smiles but real smiles are a whole new level, how fabulous!

  Today I've been a little grumpy, and returning to this moment has just given me that little bit of umpf to get me back into a good mood. Someone said to me today, "You have such a positive look on life Poppy" and I got the biggest school-girl grin on my face. I think that's a new development you know. Something I've been taught by a person who has changed my life for the better (you know who you are), I am hugely grateful to have been given rose-tinted specs from such a young age. I think it takes a few years before we stop the teenage 'everything is shit *grunt*' approach to things. But I feel I'm past that.

  Don't get me wrong, we all have off days, and being told to cheer up when you're down is the last thing you need. However, if you start to find the best in every situation you have, come out of every relationship/experience and think to yourself, 1. What did I do wrong? (because it's a two way street folkes) that answer could be nothing though, and 2. What have I learnt to take into my next experience? You will find your soul in much better knick and happiness will be imminent. Because let's face it, it's much nicer to be happy than sad and bitter.




  I feel like I've smoked something...

  So yes! Life is fabby-loo and all that stuff. I am technically almost homeless and my room is a tip and things at work are about to kick into king stressful but I AM HAPPEEEEEEEEE!!

  BE HAPPY EVERYONE !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU