I've had the best couple of days. I went to a party the other night and didn't get drunk, and I have to say I really enjoyed that. I guess not having to look after anyone else drunk made it easy. Ollie and Jessie pretty much looked after themselves anyway.

We were about 2 hours late, because a HALF AN HOUR drive took 2 hours. Never give a drunk idiot the gps. Ollie typed in 'PA12' and we politely pointed out afterwards that PA12 doesn't exist anywhere bloody near here, and it was clearly meant to be BA12. I'm totally over it now. We rang Louis and he told us that he didn't live near BATH he lived near warminster. Eurgh. Anyway, then we got stuck behind a fucking sheep which we had to chase up the road, and this chinese man runs past our car holding a massive piece of rope. Made us all laugh a bit, he clearly didn't know the people trying to catch the sheep.

Whenever we drove past police Ollie was screaming 'WE'RE SCOTTISH' in an irish accent. I have no idea why.

So yeah, the party was really lovely. It was very chilled out (probably because tim let everyone hot box our tent). And there was a car parked in the barn so we could play music, and I slept all night, completely dry and warm in a tent. When does that ever happen?! Met some lovely people as well and had a really nice time just talking and eating. This morning was so sunny as well it was beautiful. We did get lost again but it was fine.

Last night I was chatting to this woman, a lovely wife of one of the men from the choir and I've known her for ages. We had a really nice conversation about what I want to do with my life, it's becoming this repeated mantra now, (I expect anyone reading this in my year is nodding), I feel really happy because whenever I talk about it I get really excited.

Anyway, she then diverted the conversation after she asked about how I found sixth form. I said it was nice to become better friends with people who were in my year at swgs and bish already. She then said 'Do you have a.... special friend?' It almost made me laugh. She asked it in such a way that it sounded more like she was asking if I had a casual sex buddy or something, she seemed so guilty. It always amazes me that's it's the kind of question that older generations just ask, and we don't really, though I'd say we're more open.

Today at work nothing happened.

This evening has been nice, had a lovely meal and watched t.v.. I don't know who mum was kidding when she said the three of us would make it through an entire SERIES of episodes. Of course we haven't.

I quite clearly don't have anything good to talk about tonight.

I may have to think through subjects for daily bloggage.

Can't believe I just tried to use that legitimately. I'm ashamed.

Goodnight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UznHTBZIa8E

why is it you always want to be alone when people are around? Right now I'm hiding in the dim lit corner of my bedroom. It's the only bit of my room where I can put my feet straight onto the floorboards, I seem to be rolling around in heaps of clothes at the minute. Anyway, my mum is having this BBQ downstairs for her men's choir and their missus. My dad is lavishing playing with his new gas barbie, earlier it went up in flames and he went 'WAHEEEY! WHO NEEDS EYEBROWS ANYWAY?!' and then he laughed.

There's a queue of men waiting for meat, each of them politely asking me what I've done this year and what I'm planning to do. A couple of them laugh about my lack of science knowledge, or ask me if I too, am a musician. I'm ashamed I'm not more musically able. But then I suppose what do you expect if you've spent your whole life with mummy and daddy saying 'don't be a singer Poppy'. I don't mind chatting to them, it's something I'm quite comfortable doing now. But I no longer feel like I can just go up to people and chat anymore.

So I sit and stroke Spud who's given up on trying to bark at everyone and is lying disconsolate on the kitchen floorboards, taking up crucial space so everyone has to step cautiously over him to get to anywhere. He's also about a foot from some remaining broken glass from where I chipped one earlier.

Mum is wandering around, in her element, purple/blue ended hair which she lavishly plays with sometimes, and by watching her I can tell she's thinking about how much she loves it. She stands in her typical way, her hips forward, legs apart, one hand on her hip, other up by her mouth, maybe chewing her lip. She's either frowning, listening intently, laughing like a hyena or talking about one of her many societies of singers. How many is it she has now? 7? 8? I can't remember.

What makes me smile, is I can occasionally hear snippets of conversation from people, and it completely clicks with what mum has said about them before. I heard one wife say 'I can't get him to eat anything green...' which makes me smile. Then there's the endless puddings. Any one would be lovely, but I just can't fathom eating any when they're all together. It's like in primary school, when you don't really trust your friend if they give you a crisp, because you feel gross taking their food with their germs. But you want the wotsit, so you suffer in silence.

The shed up the garden has just had a major tidy. It was an abyss of ivy, spiders webs and soil. Now it's a gorgeous little wooden cabin, with fairy lights, candles, an easel and a bench. I might go and read in there. It's always lovely because it's quite literally the last window in my house than can see the sun at the end of the day. It sets, right in front of the window pane. It's always reeking of that sort of soft sadness of the end of the day.

I wish sunsets would last forever.

I'm going to go and read my book.

Okay, I take back what I said about Fifty Shades. I'm reading the second one, it took me 5 pages to hate it. The plot moves waaay too fast to make the fantastical style story even a titchy bit believable.

Humpff. Anger.

okay, just quickly, the random photo of Brad Pitt is one which actually looks like this:

I have a face recognition thing on iPhoto. THOUGHT IT WAS LOLTASTIC.

I'm going to be discussing Fifty Shades of Grey today. I've just finished it, so I'm happy to fully comment on my thoughts. I've always been more of a fantasist than a great literary person. Don't get me wrong, if I'm studying it or learning it for something, I'll really enjoy it. I enjoy listening to interpretations of narrative or themes. But when I'm reading for me? I want teenage girl crap. So it seemed perfectly acceptable for me to be sucked in by the craze and buy the damn book.

The main reason I bought it, was because Evie was reeling on and on about how horny it was, and everyone was making comments about it's feminist issues and I wanted to see why. Now, a lot of people have said, when seeing me with the book, (I was no shy common room reader), would say 'that's twilight fans fiction'. I'm sorry, but what does this mean? I'm pretty sure the readers of vampire books aren't exactly the first people you would think of when finding a soft porn novel.

And the feminist thing, really? She willingly goes along with his demands, but she also asserts her own at the end. I don't believe it portrays women in any way, surely it's more about how fucked up Grey is? I don't know, but I doubt any woman would write a purposefully sexist novel. I'm pretty sure E L James was just engaging in what she describes in the 'dedicated to' section as her 'obsession'. She wrote a dirty book for women who also want to read a dirty book. Is it even dirty? It's an insight into a private couple, having a private sex life. It's not dirty really.

Plus, you have to ask yourself why if it is so sexist and disgusting, has it sold BETTER than Harry Potter originally sold? Because people want to read it! And people have enjoyed it. Having read it, I would say that the sexual encounters, (they're often enough for me to say this), didn't really get to me. I'm not entirely sure whether they're meant to or not, but I didn't find it very sexy. Yes, okay, the actual literature side of the book may not be strong, maybe James does repeat a lot and use some very teen-style lingo, but I think that's not what the emphasis is on. At every page you're thinking 'when's the next one' not 'I say old fellow, this book executes the most appallingly average writing'. 

IT'S ABOUT SEX. And that's what it's GOOD at.

This academic year is over. And I thought I'd write a conclusion on how my year has been, since last september.

It's been a wonderful roller coaster year since september. I said to Jessie in summer that I felt something huge was coming, life changing. That feeling didn't disappoint. I can honestly say despite the dysfunctional relationship I entered into, I had the best ever time with that boy. (Been hedging that topic all year and that's as much detail as I'm willing to enter into). I had a moment where I was at Beth's house, thinking, I have to remember how happy I am right now, and if it never happens again it's okay, because I have it right now. I miss that rush, but I've learnt a lot.

I made friends with Georgina, Rosa, Emma Clark, Emma Mackay, Charlie, George, Milo, and others I daresay, and I've loved that. I've grown super close to Ollie and Jessie, through situations. That's been amazing. I've changed a lot.

What have I learnt this year? Hmm... Okay. Not to try, although I'm still trying at that, or trying not to try... oh whatever. I've learnt that I need meat in my life, that a pay check is the best thing I could ever ask for, that I should think more about what I say, I've learnt to keep a secret, and I've learnt that making mistakes aren't always the worst thing in the world. I guess, I've learnt that it doesn't really matter what I am or who I am, because despite my evolution this year my friends have stayed with me, and I'm extremely grateful for their never ending patience.

I'm sure that a lot of my progress this year has been owed to Miss Evans, cheesy as it sounds, she's always picked me up when I've been low, and I am hugely grateful to both her and Izzy for being my rock this year, I only hope I was half as useful for Izzy, who I miss a lot and I want to see her again soon.

I've also learned how bloody rude people can be, working in skincare and serving people that have shouted at me, been rude to me and certainly asked me some strange questions. If the woman who I helped choose a perfume for on my second shift is reading this, no I am not a lesbian, I just like the men's fragrances. I've liked working.





Georgina wrote this list in my homework diary for me about our year:

Year 12 is over... here are some stats*...

• 58 trips to waitrose (2.5 chickens were killed in the process)
• 168 dots and crosses games
• 15 pots of hair dye

• 7821.8 jokes made (the 0.8 counts for yours cause they're not funny)
• 26 hours spent grouping texts
• 1/2 a game of rebubbled (we need to finish this)
• 1 secret ginger uncovered
• 1002 videos made

• 7 make up wipes to remove my master piece

• 74 different nail colours
• 1 boyfriend
• 1 ex-boyfriend
• 1 annoying monk (<3 mother earth)
• 66 chicken nuggets (we killed lots of chickens)

• 1 'BEST PERIOD EVER'

(Mr Dew making fun of the Always advert)

• 200182 tissues (you were ill for ages)

[*they're not actual I just made them up]

Also, thank you to anyone that voted- Joz is currently second!! Please keep voting though, it literally takes about 5 seconds.

http://www.comedyspots.tv/watch/vJM5uLk6xm

It's been quite an odd day. It's been one of those days where everything starts off well, but then you make the fatal mistake of buying 2 packs of cookies and it alls goes down hill. Feeling some unnecessary stress for end of term as well, which I think is a bit unfair seeing as other form groups haven't had the same experience (if you're reading this and you're in my form you'll know what I'm talking about).

Plus I'm one of those people that's mood affected very easily... a misinterpreted look from someone... a red traffic light just as I get to the pavement... even just rain when I'm prepared for sun, all get to me. Sometimes it makes me wish I'd grown up in a very calm level bunch of family. But I'll never know.

More than anything I just want to be left alone and curl up in a ball for hours. I could literally stay in my room for weeks at a time and not complain (granted that I had food and a toilet and shower). I think the amount I've been working and doing stuff recently hasn't helped to chill me out ready for summer, and I'm actually getting quite stressed about whether I've allowed myself any time to just relax in these next few weeks.

Annoyingly, I know there's bunch of things I could do to make myself feel better. Here are some:

1. Tidying my room. It looks like a bombshell hit it.
2. Chucking away some old stuff
3. Going for a run and doing yoga
4. Getting back into the habit of meditating.
5. Packing what I need for tomorrow TONIGHT
6. NOT waking up at quarter to 8 tomorrow.

All those things would instantly make me feel tonnes better.

So, I've decided as part of a new optimism thing, (which I really suck at), I'm going to aim to do these things. Starting tomorrow I am going to wake up at 6 in the mornings again, blitz my room tonight, (of course, after some depressive moping and choir), and then I'm going to meditate and write a massive long letter to myself about how I feel. As yet, I don't know what'll come out, but apparently you can't feel sad for no reason, so if I keep writing I might work out why I'm feeling down. 

Here's a present dad brought back for me from somewhere he was working.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On26OioUFmg

These are beautiful.

SO I was wondering, if you'd do me a favour and as a good person, vote for my brother in this comedy competition. There's a video in this link of him in character, (I hope), having phone sex when his mother calls and he tries to have two conversations at once, it's very amusing. But basically, if he wins he'll get to work with David Mitchell, and it means a lot to me.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE actually vote. It takes two seconds, log on with facebook and click allow, then 'Vote' on the original page again, it makes sense as you go along with it.

http://www.comedyspots.tv/watch/vJM5uLk6xm

So my brother is down for the week to do this clever project thing, which he said to mum about it 'I like knowing what's going on when no one else does, everyone just thinks it's really disorganised which is fun.' I would quite like to know what the hell is going on.

I do love having Barney home though, he has this incredibly enviable thirst for knowledge. You know that feeling when you're talking to someone about something you're really interested in, and the blood in your cheeks goes completely tingly and warm and you feel so happy. Every conversation I have with Barney on a one to one is like that, he completely blows me away with the way he unlocks stuff and comes at things from another angle. That is, when he isn't poking my bruises or asking if he can hit me as hard as he possibly can. Or shouting 'YO BUG-EYES'. Whatta lad. I wish I had a brain like that.

On a sadder note, a baby bird died at my house today. On my way to work it was sat on the path looking terrified, so we hoped it's mum would find it. Anyway, while I was out mum tried to feed it with the vitamin boost stuff we gave the chickens when they were ill, and she put it in a box to protect it with some porridge, but sadly it died in front of her. I find that sort of thing heartbreaking.

Anyway, that's all I have to really say this evening.

I absolutely adore this:
http://nailsbycoewless.tumblr.com/post/17875391795/big-city-new-york-on-flickr-my-second-big-city

By the way, I've sort of pushed Shallow Magpies aside till I know properly what to do with it. I'm not quite sure what I'm aiming to do with it yet... we'll see.

Apologies for not posting in a while, I've been up to a lot lately. So thursday night was the social. It was a really boring evening. And although the year 11s didn't really bother me as much as I thought they might, there was one moment where I was dancing with Jessie behind a bunch of year 11 boys and we looked at each other, because we could smell fart. Charming. That's not how you attempt to pull, by farting everywhere.

It got to around 11:15 and Ollie and I went and sat in the quiet bit and chatted because we were finding it so boring. After we left we walked home, got into our pjs because Ollie hadn't slept in 3 days because of 'glamping' as he calls it, and I was really tired too. Then Jessie said she wanted to go out and meet this guy she was friends with for a pint. Ollie and I got re dressed to walk her into town so she wouldn't get raped, (on account of us being good friends), and we went into town. She then changed her mind, so we started walking back, then she wanted cheesy chips, so we walked back in. I'll admit I got pretty grumpy then.

But, the chips were amazing, so I was very happy. Plus we hadn't eaten in ages. THEN we went home and slept which was divine. Here's a photo of me drunk beforehand, holding Jessie's bra and asking her why she has so many bras..

What else... friday night I went to dinner with a couple of teachers that mum and dad are friends with. It was so funny seeing the arts/science divide. Half the time 3 people wouldn't know what was being said which was hugely amusing. And I had 3 glasses of wine, so I was trying my hardest to seem absolutely sober and sensible. It was a lovely night though.

Aaaaaaaaand....... I went to see the stripper film 'Magic Mike' yesterday. It's not a good film but you do get to see Alex Petyfer's body, so I'm not complaining. Although, it didn't resolve well. After that I went to see Parallels at the playhouse, and that was quite fun. I was wearing these new wedges and I felt ridiculously tall. I don't know why I'm talking about that.

Did you know penguins have no knees?

Neither did I till yesterday.

I've not been very efficient at blogging lately, I apologise. But here I am again, about to show you a photo I thought was pretty funny. I'll probably end up going off on a tangent as normal and talk about something really strange.

When I was little, I used to read these books about a daughter of a vet, and she went round being nice to these animals. I read one called 'Chinchilla up the chimney' and I've always wanted a chinchilla since then:

I don't even know why really, I can't remember the book very well. A family friend up the round has taken care of a few animals over the years, and at one point they had a chinchilla, and I went up to her house to play with it. She and I went into the bathroom and let the little bugger just run around, and apparently if you move too suddenly or scare them they bite you. Very hard. I was PETRIFIED. I think they look sort of evil now anyway.

But that's slightly random, the funny photo I was going to put up was this, there's no better way to catch up on t.v. than this:

Then I realised, it must be because I've put it on phone sized image. So I went back and selected the view for a laptop and it improved a lot actually.

Sarcasm.

Sorry to be boring. Tomorrow I have to pretend to be Odysseus all day though, so it should be more exciting tomorrow.

That is, if I don't fake my own death and avoid it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-y2gkU9XAU

P.s. I have flu.

Don't know if this video will upload, but I was trying to annoy my dad. I think I did pretty well.

Anyway, sorry I've been distracted lately, lots to update on. I know it's short notice but, everyone should go see Midsummer Night's Dream. For a start, Jessie gets to wear a dress with onions sewn on, and run around getting very desperate for attention and love. I hear it's very amusing. For a second, Louis McBride bless him, tried to sell tickets for the show in an alleyway with make up on. He wasn't too successful. So do it for Louis.

Hannah Gwyther is absolutely hilarious too as well, she mentioned something about flirting with audience members, so be sure you don't sit in the front row if you want any dignity. But generally, the whole cast looks amazing and it should be a really great show. Plus, if you're lucky, Beth will flash you some cheeky leg in the interval...

AND Mrs Mac is leaving, so do it to be nice to her. Even if you don't know who she is.

But you should go. And I know what you're thinking, ha yeah but I won't actually go. How about, you actually go? I mean, think about it, get some friends together and go see it, it'll be really funny and you're guaranteed a good time. Plus, even if you don't like Shakespeare,

Okay. Don't know where I was going with that. I guess seeing Louis Heaps with his shirt off, getting flirted with by Hannah Gwyther and watching Cassie run around covered in glitter is enough. Actually, now I think about it I'm really excited now. I just pictured all that happening and laughed. Anyway, go see it. Please? I don't want to be sat alone.

BYE.

Also, I'm advertising for my brother, if anyone wants his number drop me a text:

The tshirt ain't lyin'.