It's been an incredibly eventful past year. Since the first of January 2012 a lot has changed, as expected. We are of course, young people all developing. None of us know who the hell we are, where we're going or how we're going to get there. This year I picked a university off google and said 'that'll do' it's currently in my top two choices... eek.

There's still a long way to go with discipline and self improvement as well. I leave my house every morning thinking 'this outfit was a mistake'. I wake up late everyday, I don't go to the gym enough and I haven't hung out a wash myself for about 4 months, because I can't be bothered. Mum and dad eventually give in and do it for me. For this, mum and dad, I apologise. What I am loving, is that everyday I feel more and more like an adult. In a silly way.

I'm alarmed at the rate and amount I've changed over the course of this year, inevitably people weave in and out of your life when it's time to move on. You try to hold onto some people who you think are worth your time but sometimes that doesn't always work out. You make decisions you regret, instantly or in time. The number of times this year I've clicked send and then suddenly thought 'Oh shit' is a number I'm seriously going to work on decreasing this next year onwards. (YOLO)

But now to the people who have surrounded me for the last year, I thank you all. (This sounds awfully posh). To people who have shaped me as a person, and to people who have been involved in my life in small amounts, simply to brighten my day. Whether it be a letter I receive about your life to a tissue on my desk, every gesture has been appreciated, even if silently. I'm not the kind of person who believes that the good things need to be screamed and shouted about to be enjoyable. (It's only the bad/awkward/funny stuff I bore your lives with screaming about. Again, things to improve next year). The people who listen and take notice of the small things have been incredibly inspiring to me.

To the people who I have had ups and downs with, I always am appreciative of you putting up with my loud and 'expressive' laugh, my mother (who normally comes as a package deal), and my temporary obsessions. Evie especially, has shown to me that though you can lose a friendship, there will always be a time and place where you can find that link again. It's definitely worth it. It's actually pretty fun to have a friend that sometimes you can look at and tell that they really want to punch you. It makes you more aware of what you're doing that's annoying.

To Barney and Ollie, who have cheered me, nearly killed me and taken me to a pitch black forest this year, I don't know whether I love every minute of it but you're doing your best to keep me fun. (I apologise for getting angry in the forest, but it was very dark). It feels like coming home with these boys, as soon as I see Ollie coming towards me with a bottle of wine (which he rarely comes towards me without), I feel instantly lifted. So thank you, I'm sure Tim will be relaying this post back to Ollie.

Those people I have lost this year, how careless of me. Some things aren't meant to be I guess, maybe later in life there will be reconnections. But it's funny how people can mean so much to you and suddenly they're gone.

Bex I love you lots, I've loved getting close to you this year. Your Christmas presents really solidified to me how much you mean to me. It's nice to find people you click with easily. The nice thing with you is, generally when we piss people off we do it honestly and together. It's much better to be what it says on the tin, you're definitely making me more that way which I've always wanted to be like. Many more larfs to be had this next year. MALIA BABY!!!

Georgina I miss you (and love you). I feel a bit like we've moved to the other side of the planet to each other and I don't like this. So please badger me more. (Your Christmas present is amazing by the way, you're going to cry lots like I did at the military video). (Maybe you won't but I'll probably cry).

And all the other people who I wish we had more time to keep up to date. 'Much to tell' is a phrase I hear a lot and never find out what there was to tell.

My new years resolutions? I give them a couple of weeks at most, seeing as my veggie thing didn't work for more than 2 days:

1. I vow not to let myself get behind simply because I'm not sure if the direction I'm headed in is not the correct one.
2. I promise to try my hardest to work at my own self discipline.
3. I promise to try very very hard not to talk about myself as often as I do.
4. I will cook more often and eat when my parents are away.
5. Never again will I wear 7 inch heels. (t.b.c.)
6. I vow to make mistakes that will make me BETTER.
7. I'm going to write down good things and put them in a jar, then this time next year I can read them and feel all nostalgic.
8. DON'T TELL PEOPLE EVERYTHING - very important one. Which can I say, I've been told a secret this holiday and I've told NO ONE so far, which is very impressive for me. So that's going spiffingly.

Recently though, Barney, Ollie and I came up with our new years resolutions which were these:

1. Dont' give a fuck.
2. See the above.

Amen to that.

And what of the next year? Well, keep your head held high, your middle finger higher. New year, clean slate and all that jazz. No more major mistakes. Definitely no regrets. And definitely no more pregnancy rumours (cheers Ollie and Barney...)

I'm going to be the best person I can be this year, admittedly there'll be mistakes and mishaps. 1 step forward 2 steps back and all that, but I'll try. It would be nice if by the end of my life the only annoying thing left about my personality is my laugh. To be honest, I actually can't wait to recap on all the mistakes I make over this year next new year. It's all very well to be good and well-behaved but actually there needs to be room to misbehave and do crazy things at the same time. So bring it 2013. I've got my oven mittens and goggles on ready for whatever is handed to me.

“Young people don't always do what they're told, but if they can pull it off and do something wonderful, sometimes they escape punishment. ” 
― Rick Riordan

We had our family drinks party last night which was very sweet. Apart from mum made so much food, by the time the first guests were arriving she was this flour covered woman with glasses on that made her eyes look big and manic. It was quite sweet, but she went and de-floured and it was all fine. I had a nice chat with James Kelly's mum Joy, who I am in love with. She saw me and said really loudly: "WHAT'S THE GOSSIP I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS!" and I sat down and told her that I didn't really have any and she then asked me how many people had been at James' the weekend they were away and I replied: "How many people did James tell you there were?" which she thought was very funny.

Anyway, my main part of the night was opening Christmas presents with Bex when everyone else had left. I nearly cried, not even kidding. She bought me a little velvet skirt that I almost bought a couple of weeks before, which is spooky. She got me an army print top which I mentioned once that I really liked and she got me some sparkly nail varnish.

But the bit that almost made me cry? She made me my first ever mixed tape called: "The Cheesiest CD You'll Ever Listen To <3" with loads of songs either that we've got funny memories to, or that she'd found lyrics that fit to us. It was the best present I've ever had. Honestly I keep listening to the songs and going "awwww!" to all the words. I got her chocolate, skittle vodka, a roll-on perfume from my work and some shoes she'd asked for. I have one present left to come in the post, which I'm hoping will make up for it. She's beat me though damn her.

Here's a little photo diary of my parents. I have taken one photo each time they've fallen asleep in front of the T.V. this holiday (so far obviously), here they are:

Sat in piles of rubbish getting ready for tonight's family drinks party. My room is a complete tip so it feels good to have everything getting sorted. I'm just taking a um... short break.

I went to see Life of Pi last night and cried hysterically for ages through the film, especially when the hyena kills the monkey. Killed me. I want to read the book now. It was good, but it's one of those films that you wouldn't watch again I don't think. Glad to have had the experience though.

What else has been going on? Watched Muppet Christmas Carol last night, and I have to say I think I'm going to start watching it every other Christmas. It just feels like I've seen it too much now. I remember when I watched it in year 11 toward the end of January, it was the evening that Maxine passed away, and I got home and Mum said "Is there anything you want to do?" and I said "I want to watch the muppets film." And I sat and watched the muppets film at 11 o'clock on a school night by myself, sobbing my eyes out.

That was kind of morbid. Sorry.

Might do some school work today, when I find my desk underneath the pile of crap. Here's a funny conversation between my mum and I:

Well, you remember that my card got rejected by the machine in Topman? Today I went into town with my parents and mentioned that I'd seen a good school bag in there... which of course they were thrilled by. I took Mum in and she was so shocked and thrilled that I'd picked a sensible school bag that she bought it. She was getting excited about how it was covered from the rain and that it was a back pack. She got really excited about telling Dad as well, and I thought he was going to wet himself when he found out.

Here's a video of my dog opening his present:

This was my Christmas. So yesterday on Christmas Eve, I panicked and realised I needed to finish my shopping. I had no idea what to get dad, so I panicked and bought him a Kindle. By the time I got to Shakeaway to calm myself down with sugar, I was shaking. Not only did I buy him a Kindle, I bought him the new bloody Kindle Fire. 130 quid. And he loves it, so I can't take it back and still look like I made the gesture if nothing else. Anyway back on track, I got to Shakeaway and I told them what I had just done, and before I could choose what to drink the guy said: "I'll just give you the most chocolatey thing we have shall I?" I agreed. This may have been the most expensive item on the menu, but I needed it.

I got it back to work and everyone laughed at me for buying it. My boss even called me the worst shopper on the planet, and she had a fucking point. My card then got rejected in Topman (buying for a boy not myself) which was very embarrassing because I'd spent over my daily limit.

So that's the prologue to this video, Dad unwrapping the Kindle:

As for my Christmas day? Well, as normal on Christmas, you wake up earlier than is sensible, scoff your stocking chocolate, open stockings with family, head down for breakfast and open the presents. Then normally, the family drag me on a dreaded dog walk, I get grumpy, mum and I have a tiff. We go home, the adults cook supper. Mum gets cross with Joz for being 'cack-handed' and kicks him out. Joz and I watch - 'Christmas Come Dine With Me' or some equally lame everyday t.v. show made Christmassy with the use of some tinsel in the backdrop. We eat, we nap in front of the new film someone got today, then we sleep. In between these gruelling periods, there are pockets of time which can be described in no other way than 'boredom'. Every god damned minute of it, gazing at your presents and realising the fun is over.

Today though, things were different. This year is the first year my family of 5 can't be together at any one time. We have therefore, had 3 Christmases. When Barney came before his hike round the welsh coast, we had some vegetarian meal and his dad came said happy christmas. Then today we've eaten gammon and slept all day, and tomorrow night is turkey night with Joz. I am exhausted, of eating so much. Mum is hugely excited about our crackers too, which have special racing brussel sprouts in. I know. Don't get me started.

We've slept all day, doing nothing. I have several photos of my parents sleeping. I've had the world's longest shower and Spud's going to have a bath later, so it's all been very exciting and stimulating. I hope you've had a lovely Christmas too. It would be quite nice to hear some anecdotes, you can leave anonymous comments below each post so please do, I'd love to hear about your shenanigans also.

Much love, Poppy

x

TOMORROW I am going christmas shopping my frees. And I'll tell you one thing dear person, I am jolly excited about it. It's all turning out perfectly, I have my first lesson at bishops, then FREES where I can buy everything and get it sorted. I've tried to do small presents this year, mis calculated and spent shit loads more than I needed to. Oh dear. I hope my friends enjoy what I've got them. Because I accidentally spent a lot on you. Wankers.

Had a really nice day today. Despite my shoes. Mum decided that today was the day to re-sole all my shoes. Which meant I was left with the ones made out of something I can only describe as being more useless than cardboard. "Those won't keep your feet dry!" So, they were shite as you probably presumed. I made Bex bring spare socks for me. They got wet. Went to Isobel's, took her socks and shoes. Spent an hour hairdrying my shoes and saying: "Honestly, the lengths we go to, to prove our parents wrong." Which is very true. I lost though, mum picked me up with shoes in a carrier bag. Whoops.

But Izzy's house was really good fun. We had dinner at her nannie's house which was so lovely I had violent hiccups of joy (as if those were possible). Was very nice to catch up with Danny (who asked for a mention- hi Danny). And now, I'm going to bed. But just before I go, here's a picture of my christmas tree. There was quite a battle over the two... in the end mum's cheap and cheerful tree won, what with the tax bills looming 'n all. Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnJ_UB07mog&list=UUTVD7LqTVmC0JJHgbTGk4fA&index=5

when the time comes
and your love is lost on me
i will grant you sympathy
if you let me down easy

when the time comes
when the weeds have grown over
and the north blows down
if you let me down easy

when the time comes
and you have to let me go
i will lay without a sound



if you let me down easy.

It's been an incredibly pants week. From the start of the week, where I got a bad throat and messed up the trio with my parents, to yesterday where I made the mistake of going into school and I was in so much pain. By today every little thing was upsetting and annoying times ten. I guess I've just been tired. If you haven't been affected by this years batch of flu, it's a foul one. Possibly the worst cold I've ever had. At least I've been getting ice cream from my mum because of it.

But chin up, chest out and so forth. Tonight I'm going to read and write. I think culturing my mind might actually help to clear it. You know how it is, when you need to do a bunch of stuff so you do something completely unnecessary to cheer yourself up. Well, this combined with making an indian headdress will do me good, I believe. My feathers should be arriving soon. Ooh er.

A highlight of today despite the grumps, was sellotaping Ollie into a chair and being caught by a teacher. That and having a disgusting fluey nap with Bex (every time I say that it reminds me of Joey and Ross' naps in Friends). I think it's almost time for me to watch all the friends back to back again... almost. Before uni. (Wishful thinking there)

Anyhoo.

Sushmi showed me this, it's incredible. I find the guy weirdly attractive as well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kVjiiqnGB8

I'm going to do a christmas compilation video over the holiday, so keep posted for that. I'm very excited about it. Today I've been off from school with a throat issue. I went to the doctor (because my mum did that panicky ill thing) and I had the most shameful meeting. The doctor woman said: "What's the problem?"

I replied "I have a throat infection, I think. But it's not painful."

"It's not painful at all?"

"No. And I have no other flu-y symptoms."

*looks blankly at me wondering why I am wasting her time*

"I'll give you a prescription for some throat spray."

"Thank you."

To be honest, I've probably contracted a worse illness from being in a waiting room of flemmers and sneezers than I entered the building with in the first place. What if I've got syphilis or something? Is that air born? Or just sexually transmitted? Probably not. But still. It's worth thinking about I think. And why do doctors always look in your ear when you're ill as well? Utterly ridiculous. The problem, missy, is my throat not my ear.

Here is a cute video of my dog:

I think I'm getting a tonsil disability, it's horrid. Managed to go along tonight to ma's concert and sing, but it was so embarrassing because she gave me the note and as I started my throat pinged and went into another key (you know how your voice does that sometimes when you can't control it) and we had to start again. Awkward. But this is a recording of us practising at home, the 'oo's at the beginning I'm laughing through which is why my voice goes weird. Be nice:

Winter is well and truly here. I love my dog so much.

Tomorrow night I'm singing in a concert as a trio with mum and dad to sing 'I saw mommy kissing santa clause' which I am shitting myself about. I'm no sight reader and they both know when I go wrong so I get scared in front of them. There is a recording of the three of us singing it, but I'll not release it till tomorrow because that would be RUINING it.

I've had a hilarious weekend, from Ollie swallowing a coin to the dreadful dreadful vampire film. I hear that the penny has dropped, and the film is probably still shit. It's been one of those weekends though where you sort of wish everyone would be wiped out by a disease, so you could have a long bath in peace and quiet. AND BEX ISN'T ANSWERING MY PHONE CALLS which is making me impatient.

Started my drama revision as well, be impressed. I will upload photos of the drawings I've done when it's all completed and beautiful (proud smile). Anyway, off to bed. Night.