It's been an incredibly eventful past year. Since the first of January 2012 a lot has changed, as expected. We are of course, young people all developing. None of us know who the hell we are, where we're going or how we're going to get there. This year I picked a university off google and said 'that'll do' it's currently in my top two choices... eek.

There's still a long way to go with discipline and self improvement as well. I leave my house every morning thinking 'this outfit was a mistake'. I wake up late everyday, I don't go to the gym enough and I haven't hung out a wash myself for about 4 months, because I can't be bothered. Mum and dad eventually give in and do it for me. For this, mum and dad, I apologise. What I am loving, is that everyday I feel more and more like an adult. In a silly way.

I'm alarmed at the rate and amount I've changed over the course of this year, inevitably people weave in and out of your life when it's time to move on. You try to hold onto some people who you think are worth your time but sometimes that doesn't always work out. You make decisions you regret, instantly or in time. The number of times this year I've clicked send and then suddenly thought 'Oh shit' is a number I'm seriously going to work on decreasing this next year onwards. (YOLO)

But now to the people who have surrounded me for the last year, I thank you all. (This sounds awfully posh). To people who have shaped me as a person, and to people who have been involved in my life in small amounts, simply to brighten my day. Whether it be a letter I receive about your life to a tissue on my desk, every gesture has been appreciated, even if silently. I'm not the kind of person who believes that the good things need to be screamed and shouted about to be enjoyable. (It's only the bad/awkward/funny stuff I bore your lives with screaming about. Again, things to improve next year). The people who listen and take notice of the small things have been incredibly inspiring to me.

To the people who I have had ups and downs with, I always am appreciative of you putting up with my loud and 'expressive' laugh, my mother (who normally comes as a package deal), and my temporary obsessions. Evie especially, has shown to me that though you can lose a friendship, there will always be a time and place where you can find that link again. It's definitely worth it. It's actually pretty fun to have a friend that sometimes you can look at and tell that they really want to punch you. It makes you more aware of what you're doing that's annoying.

To Barney and Ollie, who have cheered me, nearly killed me and taken me to a pitch black forest this year, I don't know whether I love every minute of it but you're doing your best to keep me fun. (I apologise for getting angry in the forest, but it was very dark). It feels like coming home with these boys, as soon as I see Ollie coming towards me with a bottle of wine (which he rarely comes towards me without), I feel instantly lifted. So thank you, I'm sure Tim will be relaying this post back to Ollie.

Those people I have lost this year, how careless of me. Some things aren't meant to be I guess, maybe later in life there will be reconnections. But it's funny how people can mean so much to you and suddenly they're gone.

Bex I love you lots, I've loved getting close to you this year. Your Christmas presents really solidified to me how much you mean to me. It's nice to find people you click with easily. The nice thing with you is, generally when we piss people off we do it honestly and together. It's much better to be what it says on the tin, you're definitely making me more that way which I've always wanted to be like. Many more larfs to be had this next year. MALIA BABY!!!

Georgina I miss you (and love you). I feel a bit like we've moved to the other side of the planet to each other and I don't like this. So please badger me more. (Your Christmas present is amazing by the way, you're going to cry lots like I did at the military video). (Maybe you won't but I'll probably cry).

And all the other people who I wish we had more time to keep up to date. 'Much to tell' is a phrase I hear a lot and never find out what there was to tell.

My new years resolutions? I give them a couple of weeks at most, seeing as my veggie thing didn't work for more than 2 days:

1. I vow not to let myself get behind simply because I'm not sure if the direction I'm headed in is not the correct one.
2. I promise to try my hardest to work at my own self discipline.
3. I promise to try very very hard not to talk about myself as often as I do.
4. I will cook more often and eat when my parents are away.
5. Never again will I wear 7 inch heels. (t.b.c.)
6. I vow to make mistakes that will make me BETTER.
7. I'm going to write down good things and put them in a jar, then this time next year I can read them and feel all nostalgic.
8. DON'T TELL PEOPLE EVERYTHING - very important one. Which can I say, I've been told a secret this holiday and I've told NO ONE so far, which is very impressive for me. So that's going spiffingly.

Recently though, Barney, Ollie and I came up with our new years resolutions which were these:

1. Dont' give a fuck.
2. See the above.

Amen to that.

And what of the next year? Well, keep your head held high, your middle finger higher. New year, clean slate and all that jazz. No more major mistakes. Definitely no regrets. And definitely no more pregnancy rumours (cheers Ollie and Barney...)

I'm going to be the best person I can be this year, admittedly there'll be mistakes and mishaps. 1 step forward 2 steps back and all that, but I'll try. It would be nice if by the end of my life the only annoying thing left about my personality is my laugh. To be honest, I actually can't wait to recap on all the mistakes I make over this year next new year. It's all very well to be good and well-behaved but actually there needs to be room to misbehave and do crazy things at the same time. So bring it 2013. I've got my oven mittens and goggles on ready for whatever is handed to me.

“Young people don't always do what they're told, but if they can pull it off and do something wonderful, sometimes they escape punishment. ” 
― Rick Riordan

We had our family drinks party last night which was very sweet. Apart from mum made so much food, by the time the first guests were arriving she was this flour covered woman with glasses on that made her eyes look big and manic. It was quite sweet, but she went and de-floured and it was all fine. I had a nice chat with James Kelly's mum Joy, who I am in love with. She saw me and said really loudly: "WHAT'S THE GOSSIP I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS!" and I sat down and told her that I didn't really have any and she then asked me how many people had been at James' the weekend they were away and I replied: "How many people did James tell you there were?" which she thought was very funny.

Anyway, my main part of the night was opening Christmas presents with Bex when everyone else had left. I nearly cried, not even kidding. She bought me a little velvet skirt that I almost bought a couple of weeks before, which is spooky. She got me an army print top which I mentioned once that I really liked and she got me some sparkly nail varnish.

But the bit that almost made me cry? She made me my first ever mixed tape called: "The Cheesiest CD You'll Ever Listen To <3" with loads of songs either that we've got funny memories to, or that she'd found lyrics that fit to us. It was the best present I've ever had. Honestly I keep listening to the songs and going "awwww!" to all the words. I got her chocolate, skittle vodka, a roll-on perfume from my work and some shoes she'd asked for. I have one present left to come in the post, which I'm hoping will make up for it. She's beat me though damn her.

Here's a little photo diary of my parents. I have taken one photo each time they've fallen asleep in front of the T.V. this holiday (so far obviously), here they are:

Sat in piles of rubbish getting ready for tonight's family drinks party. My room is a complete tip so it feels good to have everything getting sorted. I'm just taking a um... short break.

I went to see Life of Pi last night and cried hysterically for ages through the film, especially when the hyena kills the monkey. Killed me. I want to read the book now. It was good, but it's one of those films that you wouldn't watch again I don't think. Glad to have had the experience though.

What else has been going on? Watched Muppet Christmas Carol last night, and I have to say I think I'm going to start watching it every other Christmas. It just feels like I've seen it too much now. I remember when I watched it in year 11 toward the end of January, it was the evening that Maxine passed away, and I got home and Mum said "Is there anything you want to do?" and I said "I want to watch the muppets film." And I sat and watched the muppets film at 11 o'clock on a school night by myself, sobbing my eyes out.

That was kind of morbid. Sorry.

Might do some school work today, when I find my desk underneath the pile of crap. Here's a funny conversation between my mum and I:

Well, you remember that my card got rejected by the machine in Topman? Today I went into town with my parents and mentioned that I'd seen a good school bag in there... which of course they were thrilled by. I took Mum in and she was so shocked and thrilled that I'd picked a sensible school bag that she bought it. She was getting excited about how it was covered from the rain and that it was a back pack. She got really excited about telling Dad as well, and I thought he was going to wet himself when he found out.

Here's a video of my dog opening his present:

This was my Christmas. So yesterday on Christmas Eve, I panicked and realised I needed to finish my shopping. I had no idea what to get dad, so I panicked and bought him a Kindle. By the time I got to Shakeaway to calm myself down with sugar, I was shaking. Not only did I buy him a Kindle, I bought him the new bloody Kindle Fire. 130 quid. And he loves it, so I can't take it back and still look like I made the gesture if nothing else. Anyway back on track, I got to Shakeaway and I told them what I had just done, and before I could choose what to drink the guy said: "I'll just give you the most chocolatey thing we have shall I?" I agreed. This may have been the most expensive item on the menu, but I needed it.

I got it back to work and everyone laughed at me for buying it. My boss even called me the worst shopper on the planet, and she had a fucking point. My card then got rejected in Topman (buying for a boy not myself) which was very embarrassing because I'd spent over my daily limit.

So that's the prologue to this video, Dad unwrapping the Kindle:

As for my Christmas day? Well, as normal on Christmas, you wake up earlier than is sensible, scoff your stocking chocolate, open stockings with family, head down for breakfast and open the presents. Then normally, the family drag me on a dreaded dog walk, I get grumpy, mum and I have a tiff. We go home, the adults cook supper. Mum gets cross with Joz for being 'cack-handed' and kicks him out. Joz and I watch - 'Christmas Come Dine With Me' or some equally lame everyday t.v. show made Christmassy with the use of some tinsel in the backdrop. We eat, we nap in front of the new film someone got today, then we sleep. In between these gruelling periods, there are pockets of time which can be described in no other way than 'boredom'. Every god damned minute of it, gazing at your presents and realising the fun is over.

Today though, things were different. This year is the first year my family of 5 can't be together at any one time. We have therefore, had 3 Christmases. When Barney came before his hike round the welsh coast, we had some vegetarian meal and his dad came said happy christmas. Then today we've eaten gammon and slept all day, and tomorrow night is turkey night with Joz. I am exhausted, of eating so much. Mum is hugely excited about our crackers too, which have special racing brussel sprouts in. I know. Don't get me started.

We've slept all day, doing nothing. I have several photos of my parents sleeping. I've had the world's longest shower and Spud's going to have a bath later, so it's all been very exciting and stimulating. I hope you've had a lovely Christmas too. It would be quite nice to hear some anecdotes, you can leave anonymous comments below each post so please do, I'd love to hear about your shenanigans also.

Much love, Poppy

x

TOMORROW I am going christmas shopping my frees. And I'll tell you one thing dear person, I am jolly excited about it. It's all turning out perfectly, I have my first lesson at bishops, then FREES where I can buy everything and get it sorted. I've tried to do small presents this year, mis calculated and spent shit loads more than I needed to. Oh dear. I hope my friends enjoy what I've got them. Because I accidentally spent a lot on you. Wankers.

Had a really nice day today. Despite my shoes. Mum decided that today was the day to re-sole all my shoes. Which meant I was left with the ones made out of something I can only describe as being more useless than cardboard. "Those won't keep your feet dry!" So, they were shite as you probably presumed. I made Bex bring spare socks for me. They got wet. Went to Isobel's, took her socks and shoes. Spent an hour hairdrying my shoes and saying: "Honestly, the lengths we go to, to prove our parents wrong." Which is very true. I lost though, mum picked me up with shoes in a carrier bag. Whoops.

But Izzy's house was really good fun. We had dinner at her nannie's house which was so lovely I had violent hiccups of joy (as if those were possible). Was very nice to catch up with Danny (who asked for a mention- hi Danny). And now, I'm going to bed. But just before I go, here's a picture of my christmas tree. There was quite a battle over the two... in the end mum's cheap and cheerful tree won, what with the tax bills looming 'n all. Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnJ_UB07mog&list=UUTVD7LqTVmC0JJHgbTGk4fA&index=5

when the time comes
and your love is lost on me
i will grant you sympathy
if you let me down easy

when the time comes
when the weeds have grown over
and the north blows down
if you let me down easy

when the time comes
and you have to let me go
i will lay without a sound



if you let me down easy.

It's been an incredibly pants week. From the start of the week, where I got a bad throat and messed up the trio with my parents, to yesterday where I made the mistake of going into school and I was in so much pain. By today every little thing was upsetting and annoying times ten. I guess I've just been tired. If you haven't been affected by this years batch of flu, it's a foul one. Possibly the worst cold I've ever had. At least I've been getting ice cream from my mum because of it.

But chin up, chest out and so forth. Tonight I'm going to read and write. I think culturing my mind might actually help to clear it. You know how it is, when you need to do a bunch of stuff so you do something completely unnecessary to cheer yourself up. Well, this combined with making an indian headdress will do me good, I believe. My feathers should be arriving soon. Ooh er.

A highlight of today despite the grumps, was sellotaping Ollie into a chair and being caught by a teacher. That and having a disgusting fluey nap with Bex (every time I say that it reminds me of Joey and Ross' naps in Friends). I think it's almost time for me to watch all the friends back to back again... almost. Before uni. (Wishful thinking there)

Anyhoo.

Sushmi showed me this, it's incredible. I find the guy weirdly attractive as well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kVjiiqnGB8

I'm going to do a christmas compilation video over the holiday, so keep posted for that. I'm very excited about it. Today I've been off from school with a throat issue. I went to the doctor (because my mum did that panicky ill thing) and I had the most shameful meeting. The doctor woman said: "What's the problem?"

I replied "I have a throat infection, I think. But it's not painful."

"It's not painful at all?"

"No. And I have no other flu-y symptoms."

*looks blankly at me wondering why I am wasting her time*

"I'll give you a prescription for some throat spray."

"Thank you."

To be honest, I've probably contracted a worse illness from being in a waiting room of flemmers and sneezers than I entered the building with in the first place. What if I've got syphilis or something? Is that air born? Or just sexually transmitted? Probably not. But still. It's worth thinking about I think. And why do doctors always look in your ear when you're ill as well? Utterly ridiculous. The problem, missy, is my throat not my ear.

Here is a cute video of my dog:

I think I'm getting a tonsil disability, it's horrid. Managed to go along tonight to ma's concert and sing, but it was so embarrassing because she gave me the note and as I started my throat pinged and went into another key (you know how your voice does that sometimes when you can't control it) and we had to start again. Awkward. But this is a recording of us practising at home, the 'oo's at the beginning I'm laughing through which is why my voice goes weird. Be nice:

Winter is well and truly here. I love my dog so much.

Tomorrow night I'm singing in a concert as a trio with mum and dad to sing 'I saw mommy kissing santa clause' which I am shitting myself about. I'm no sight reader and they both know when I go wrong so I get scared in front of them. There is a recording of the three of us singing it, but I'll not release it till tomorrow because that would be RUINING it.

I've had a hilarious weekend, from Ollie swallowing a coin to the dreadful dreadful vampire film. I hear that the penny has dropped, and the film is probably still shit. It's been one of those weekends though where you sort of wish everyone would be wiped out by a disease, so you could have a long bath in peace and quiet. AND BEX ISN'T ANSWERING MY PHONE CALLS which is making me impatient.

Started my drama revision as well, be impressed. I will upload photos of the drawings I've done when it's all completed and beautiful (proud smile). Anyway, off to bed. Night.

Brownie points to James Bradwell! Who actually texted me saying he was going to show this to his mum. Hurrah! I think you should all do the same if you want a mention.

Nice things about James:
1. Once, I gave a presentation and I had a cold. When I got back to my seat, coughing everywhere, I found a tissue with a locket on top. It was like Christmas
2. He always has bizarre things in his bag, including a fan. (Which was very useful when the class civ room was 110 degrees)
3. Mr Owen loves him to pieces. When Mr Owen doesn't know the answer to something, he asks James.
4. He can do extraordinary dances:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytVHa5fB0sU
5. His religious views. I won't go into detail but he represents precisely how I think religion should be, something personal and non-intrusive. Very very envious of that.
6. His voice reading, be it the Odyssey or 50 Shades (he's very versatile).

My mum's doing something fantastically exciting with Handel's Messiah. I know that may sound not very interesting to non musical people, (not meant offensively), but basically this is a project she hopes to get published and I seriously think it's going to change choirs all over the country, if not more globally!

Handel's Messiah is a religious piece of music which has been sung in exactly the same way for years and year and years. It's incredibly wobbly and difficult to sing, which has alienated less technical musical singers and musicians. Mum's taken the piece, re-written it to be easier for choirs without ruining the music and is putting it on Saturday.

She's done some lovely things with it, including Mr Dew giving a talk about champagne for the celebratory solo (which is now a talk about champagne). My dad is also singing, there's a Hospice nurse giving a talk about her job for the movement 'Comfort Ye' and lots of other lovely stuff. Including a lovely poem called 'Neighbours' by Benjamin Zephaniah (look it up it's actually very moving I think it'd get to you).

The concert is on Saturday, 7:30 St Francis Church. Tickets are £8 there are few left (she's actually selling the choir's chairs now to house everyone) so mention it to your parents, grandparents, trust me they'll know this piece and I'm sure some of them will be interested.

Here's the promotional video, I'd be hugely grateful for any further publicity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vCSUPhGTjY

I'm sat in bed surrounded by incomplete homework feeling pretty darn stressed. My UCAS remains un sent, I'm missing yet another A Cappella rehearsal on wednesday night (which means I will be murdered) and I have a lot coming up this week, concert tuesday night, work wednesday, meal thursday. Sounds like not much but I crumble easy. Plus I need to bring in a letter for the day off school I had, which I keep forgetting to ask mum to write. And every little thing which should be easy to sort out seems to pile up. My room is in a state again and I need to clear out the millions of empty cans by my desk. Also, my driving theory is soon and I need to learn it.

BUT I put this song on and I literally do not care.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys7-6_t7OEQ

I have a feeling that I'm going to be someone, I'll get some sort of break some how. I don't know what into, but I'm going to do something fucking cool, and none of the shit little things really matter because in about a year I won't even remember them. And ultimately, they won't lead me to where I want to be so I don't need to care. It feels like one of those moments where it's two fingers up to the world.

More than anything it's just not listening to the negative stuff. All I do is complain and make myself miserable and I'm not going to let myself do that anymore. I'm my own problem, what's the point in reading too much into what everyone says all the time? No one needs to feel like every comment made about you is the truth, so here we go. You know the feeling you get after pain goes away, it feels like you're invincible? You clench your teeth and narrow your eyes and raise your chin and remember who you are and why you're here. Life is too short to feel shit with yourself. And the pain I'm referring to is currently the fuck off paint-ball bruises on my legs and arse and a sense of impending flu. This is what's making me feel stronger. BRING IT VIRUS.

Be impressed with my homemade instagram:

That's me being all daughtery and nice waiting for my parents to get home.

Bus trip back from Class Civ in London.

Today I went paint-balling for the first time ever with James Kelly, Jess Sparey and Tom Smith and I am in so much pain. Jess gave a free voucher for 4 people to her dad last christmas and he said he'd never use it so... she had to. On the day she rang me and told me we were going, I'd earlier been walking through town with Evie and we'd said how we'd hate nothing more. I was quite convinced I'd be appalling and I was sort of right. At one point, I knocked the lid on my paint balls and all of them fell out. So I had to steal some of Tom's, but I ran out and had to leave the game.

I did get into it more in the second game, it was quite funny to run to shelter, then leap up and shoot at people and watch them ducking. I almost got someone. I didn't at any point, but it's the thought that counts.

Jess and James both got shot on the hand which was, I imagine, very painful, seeing as we didn't have any gloves. I have two bruises on my thigh, and one on my arse. I am tired. But it was incredibly amusing and fun. Funny seeing the men on our team getting really into it and getting really competitive, they were making jokes at these two german girls and I got really annoyed with them for being so arrogant. I mean really, if you're a middle aged man on a paint-balling course you should question yourself anyway.

LOOK IT'S AUTUMN!!

SPEED TYPING see if I can do something decent in 3 minutes. This'll be good exam practise. 2 MINUTES. SHIT. So I'm currently in bed watching Misfits. I've already watched one episode, I'm now watching the second because James Kelly is forcing me to watch it so we can talk about Curtis committing suicide. Misfits this series has been disappointing because it's not got Nathan in. BYE.

I was getting panicky about the fact that I missed blogging again, and thinking how I am now doomed to failure. But then, I realised that there will be days where I physically cannot write something. For example, I'm meant to be going to Greece in Easter (that is, if Mr Owen actually arranges it. Doesn't look like he's going to).

Friday night I went to Barney's house with a few people, and I've not had such a good time in ages. I maintained my drunken state for ages, which is so not like me so I was very proud. Plus as well as catching up with Ollie and Barney it was nice to spend some time with people I didn't know well. And I put my iPod in and NO ONE said anything bad about my music, which was incredible. Yesterday I babysat for Cunley and Oni which was very amusing. Cunley put music on and danced around for ages. As soon as his parents left having just said 'They can go to bed after watching Strictly' Cunley looked up at me with his giant affro and long lashes and said sweetly 'We could do a jigsaw after Strictly' hmmm...

I'm writing this from the comfort of my living room under a blanket watching Desperate Housewives (yet to pick a film). Oh and I forgot to mention, my chocolate pudding is cooking in the oven. Yippee. After my exhaustion last night, (very sorry about the rant), and my teary drive to school this morning my mum decided I need some sleep, so it's home sweet home. And Hopefully I'll get my UCAS off this weekend!!

Anyway, Patrick Brennan, (who went off to Durham because he's very clever), sent me a message last night saying he'd written a blog and being very nice about mine. He's keeping his journalist options open by practising on this link:

http://www.peejaybizzle.blogspot.co.uk/

I had a proper read a minute ago and I really like it. It's like my blog but smart and funnier. And his last post about Bloc Party is completely accurate, it made me laugh. So take a read, more and more people jumping on the Blog bandwagon. In an abstract sense of course.

Found this photo on my phone earlier and it made me laugh. Georgina went to the loo at my house so I thought it'd be funny to take loads of stupid pictures of myself for her return. I've deleted all of them because they were hideous, but love this photo. I waited for her to come unsuspectingly back into the room and then nabbed her.

Mum on holiday discovering a passion for rapping...

I've officially had the worst evening ever. This was going to be my first night in since monday, which doesn't sound that bad but I was really tired this week and stressed. So I get out the shower, mum says: "did you not hear the answerphone?" because my emails haven't been connecting with the writing group leaders', I didn't know we were going to see a play tonight. I had 10 minutes to be at the playhouse and I was there from 6 till 10, with a bunch of arrogant middle aged people who make me feel stupid and young. They went round the circle and said 'Oh I'm Jim, I've got two plays on at the minute, directing another and just own this competition...' they talk for ages and it got to me and all I could say was 'I'm at sixth form' I hate being so young and waiting for my life to start.

During this, my mum texted me saying maybe I should have tomorrow off to catch up on some sleep and feel better, I got home and she said 'I'll give you a lift to school tomorrow' which means that I'm not getting a day off after all, which after thinking I would have one has upset me so much. I feel ridiculously stressed. This weekend, I'm going to a friends friday, straight to work saturday, straight to babysitting after work, then I'm in at work the next day for the campaign change, which is crazy because I've done way over my hours for this week and next. I swear they aren't paying me for over time at the minute as well... need to check my statement more closely and work out how much I should be getting.

When I finally climbed into bed, hysterically upset and being girly, I realised I hadn't blogged and I said I'd fail my A level if I didn't blog every day. I know that seems like something really trivial, but when I fail at things like that I get really freaked out. So I got even more upset. I'm tired and stressed enough to burst into tears right now, and I really need Mr Dew to give me back my personal statement so I can go to uni. And I need to hand that letter in. FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK. If I have to go to english tomorrow I'm probably going to burst into tears, can't stand english at the moment.

What I realised tonight as well, was that I used to be amazing at talking to people I don't know well. I cannot do it now. I panic, sound nervous and make it awkward. It's so upsetting to watch everything I used to be good at disappearing. Almost swore at my parents tonight for no reason, which is really unlike me. Really sad.

So I said I've have 'more about that later' in reference to the assembly we had. I'm not going to go on for too long about this because it was yesterday and assemblies don't remain very important in my life for over 24 hours. Anyway, this focus group came in and gave an assembly on being a lesbian or a gay person. This consisted of a video of them talking about common debate issues about gay/lesbian community, but to me it sounded like 4 lesbians talking about how much they hated straight people: 'No one understands unless they are gay or a lesbian'. That was ridiculous.

Then they talked 10 minutes over the registration time, so I was now missing nap time, which made me a feel almost tempted to become homophobic. But I didn't. Then they had an obviously fake story about a boy who killed himself half at lunch time after he'd been teased about kissing a boy in spin the bottle as a dare. For a start, no one plays Truth or Dare at the same time as Spin the Bottle, and he MUST'VE had other issues to commit suicide after half a day of teasing. Ridiculous crap. Then at the end of the assembly they had a slogan song which literally sang: "Lesbians and Gays, Biosexuals and Queers' At this point, from the back of the main hall I watched everyone put their faces into their hands.

The point of their assembly was to encourage us to sign these billboards which made us agree to not using 'gay' as a negative adjective, (I will complain about this in a moment), but I refused to sign because I don't agree with the aggressive way they presented their viewpoints. I actually felt a little offended and thought they were making a little bit too much of a big deal about stuff. I don't know what they've been through, and I understand it must've been hard. But they surely can't think the hardest part of being gay is hearing people say 'gay' when something is bad?

Anyway, it reminded me of when the christian group came for a discussion with us in year 11 and one of them said 'In my opinion gays need to be cured' and it was a lovely moment because everyone in our year got furious and had a go at him for the next half an hour. So actually, I don't think people are that homophobic anymore, not that I've experienced.

Now, my complaint about using 'gay' as a negative adjective are that no we don't. For a start, I know few people who actually say that anymore, I think it's a phase when you're younger and you're pushing taboo language for a reaction from people. But 'gay' when used in a negative light is no longer used directly meaning that the person saying that doesn't like gay people. It's just picked up a negative association, and it will phase out because language changes. (Feel like my english textbook right now). I'm getting bored of myself.

GOODNIGHT.

Firstly, I want to apologise for my recent annoying habit. When someone's in the middle of speaking my brain thinks 'OOH I know a story similar to this that I can talk about when they're done' but instead of waiting, I just keep talking. My brain/mouth correlation is definitely in need of some D.I.Y. so I apologise for interrupting everyone by saying 'Oh my god it was so awkward the other day...' I am aware I'm doing it and you just have to hit me in the face.

Tonight I recorded a video about what's stressing me out today, and I'm going to play it in 6 months and see how much any of it mattered. I'm positive 100% of it will be completely behind me by then, but then it's nice to watch myself learning... as in, when I watch it in the future I will think 'How wonderful I have learnt from these experiences'. One thing I've picked up almost immediately is don't overuse 'YOLO...' it's not cool or funny. Or angry enough.

This year I've also learnt that you shouldn't give your phone to chavs, and I should never play my music in public. It always ends badly. Normally it's just Ollie yelling at me 'THIS IS SHIT!' which is better than everyone staring at my blankly. Because you can't even end a song with 'You had to be there' because that would make no sense at all.

Here's a quote from a James Morrison song:

"Well I'll hide all the bruises, I'll hide all the damage that's done.
But I'll show how I'm feeling, until all the 'feeling' has gone."

Ooh aren't I cultured?!

I'm feeling sort of low tonight, you know when you feel like something is dragging you down and you can't figure out what it is. I guess it's a combination of little things, like I've left my pad at bishops which has a form in it that I need signed. I get stressed by things like that. Or that my duffel coat has gone missing and it's cold. Or that I had a bad drama lesson today. Or that I can't figure out why I'm being grumpy to my parents at the moment.

In half term I went to London twice, Sunday night we saw Eddi Reader doing a concert and it was amazing, but I always find it really hard to leave London. I get withdrawal symptoms I swear... one time, when I'd been there for a week doing work experience, I cried on the way home. I love it there. Actually, I once cried leaving Devon. I'd been going every fortnight with my mum and it got to the point where I was so attached to the place, I was crying on the way home and mum said 'If you wanted us to transfer you to Colyton grammar for sixth form, we'd move for you' and I thought about it. So there we go, I almost moved to Devon for sixth form. Imagine the chaos that would've caused, leaving everyone to fend for themselves...


...yeah anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psiILfa-G1c&feature=endscreen

I JUST WROTE A SONG and I think this one is actually good:

It’s half one in the morning

And I’m lying here listening to what you said.

I know it was heat of moment,

But I can’t get those words out my head.

And you make me feel like nothing.

Every time I think of you I’m ashamed.

You know I can’t be a perfect person.

But still I feel you lay on me the blame.

It’s half one in the morning

And I’m lying here listening to what you said.

I know it was heat of moment,

But I can’t get those words out my head.

We’ve hardly said a word and still,

We have come to this conclusion.

I barely know you at all,

Yet you’ve barred me into my seclusion.

It’s half one in the morning

And I’m lying here listening to what you said.

I know it was heat of moment,

But I can’t get those words out my head.

And every time, I close, my eyes.

I see your face.

And when I lift my fingertips,

It’s that I can perfectly trace.

Every line on your skin is a memory,

And one that I will never have seen.

Every moment’s a moment wasted,

We’re too busy counting the moments in between.

It’s half one in the morning

And I’m lying here listening to what you said.

I know it was heat of moment,

But I can’t get those words out my head.

Eh???

In love with this song at the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzPKMAOjov0&feature=fvwp

I'm sat home alone, (which always absolutely freaks me to the core), watching the rain outside my window. I've got my music on loud so I can't hear it. I really hate rain when no one's in. Even my dog isn't here. You know how being alone feels a bit like the whole world but you is dead? Can't seem to stick it.

I went to see Stomp on Monday, had the best day in London. Met up with my brother who had two large plastic boxes with him, which he told us he was wearing on his feet in a comedy routine about the bleep test. Honestly mad. He now wants to buy a puppet that looks just like him, think Muppets has finally taken over him. But Stomp was incredible, my dad was so excited I've never seen him so funked up. I think because my parents are musicians, they get so excited when there's a rhythm or anything.

My dad does this thing, which you'll probably read now and think 'Naaaaw cute' no, no, it's incredibly annoying. He does it mostly when he's driving, he starts making weird noises and clicking and stamping his feet to a 'rhythm'. He gets so into it and it always just sounds like a middle aged man making noises. Which is of course, exactly what he is. When I'm going through a 'I love everything my parents do they're so lovely' phase, this is genuinely lovely to watch. When I've just spent all day making cellophane compositions it's less cute. I generally ignore him. Especially when he does it over the top of something like Taylor Swift. I guess I should learn that the kitchen isn't a place to have 'me time'.

I'm having a really lovely half term though, missing Georgina hugely, I have so much to tell her. And feeling a lot happier with where I am work wise and stuff like that, which isn't very interesting I know but it's making me all calm.

My hairdresser cut all my hair off. Normally when I go and see Dan, I want to change it and he won't let me. When I went in and said 'Dan can I cut my hair boy short?' he laughed and went 'No, no. Psychological problems' then the next time I was like "Dan, I cut all my hair off." And he goes "You cut it very badly. We grow it out." Then I came to see him and said "Dan I dip dyed my hair!" and he says "Oh dear. We'll cut it out." But this time, I came in and he said 'I'm thinking of doing something shorter' I almost died. At one point, he was cutting the front layers and they were completely covering my face and he said 'Sorry about this' and I just went 'To be honest it's an improvement.' How we laughed.

Anyway, it's um... very short. I like it, but I miss it too. It keeps falling into my face at work. I need to have a play with it and see how I can do stuff with it. I met up with Clare yesterday, and she had exactly the same hair cut at me, had it done the same day as me and both our mums had said 'It doesn't look any different' are you KIDDING it's really different. 

(cue awkward picture of my hair)

I got a bit nervous so I hid my lips... to make things easier.

But then we went to see Skyfall, which was INCREDIBLE and I loved it. Can't stop listening to this song now, and I'm not a huge Adele fan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeumyOzKqgI

So, I've been rubbish at this. Been too busy listening to 'house music' as Ollie calls it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lG5aSZBAuPs

So good!!!

Currently, I'm sat in bed shitting myself after having watched Derren Brown's thing. It's a nasty zombie thing... you know what I'm actually so scared I'm going to ramble about something else and see whether it calms me enough to take me away.

My mum bought me this new bookmark, and it makes me laugh. It's one of those ones that move when you twist them, and it's penguins flapping around. I cleaned my room. Properly got everything out, cleaned it and put it back. True, I've just piled it on my desk and now my room is full of empty vod bottles, but still. I'm cold.

I really want a purple dress. I think I'd suit purple. OH! And today my hairdresser cut off A LOT of my hair. I would upload a photo, but the only one I have isn't very nice and was for Bex's eyes only. But I am sad, because Misfits starts on Sunday and Kelly's gone and I miss Nathan because he was sexy.

GOODNIGHT.

I've spent a week waiting for inspiration to strike me to write this. I did have some on tuesday night, when I went to see this play but unfortunately it was quarter to 12 when we arrived back in Salisbury, and I grumpily went to bed instead.

So this play, was an irish history play (groan) and when the coach finally showed up late the traffic had got so bad we were running about an hour behind schedule. It was ridiculous. And then we couldn't get to the coach park because there was a diversion, so we all got off the coach and ran up the hill to get to the theatre. Evie, James and I stood purposefully next to each other so our tickets would be next to each other. Did this work out? Of course it didn't. I ended up sat next to this little kid from year 10 who kept eating haribo really loudly, and I couldn't see a bloody thing thanks to the kid with the white-boy affro sat in front of me.

There was a seat loose resting on the back of mine, so I just put my head back and fell asleep for the first act. Which was by the way AN HOUR AND A HALF. By the time we got to the interval I was suicidal. Evie and I went to get a drink, and while the bar woman wasn't looking I flung my hand into the ice bucket because I was that poor and thirsty, but she turned around and caught me and said awkwardly 'Um... help yourself to ice' oh I did. Luckily there was a seat next to James and Evie so I sat with them for the second act but it was SO BORING. This one woman, got shot in the back twice, (as in, a character in the play), and took about 10 minutes to die. She was falling around the stage going 'I'm dying. I can feel it, the blood is coming out of me' and then she started singing about Jesus.

Then, to finish off this wonderful play about irish people dying or going mad, two english soldiers turn up and go 'Oh no we've killed a woman!' *dramatic sad pause* 'LOOK! TEA!' and so they sat down and drank the dead woman's tea. This was the only appearance of englishmen. I found that pretty funny. No one else around me did.

9977 views...

Just realised I promised Hannah a blog post, and if I don't do it this weekend she'll wallop me really hard tomorrow. So, Hannah terrified me from the very moment when I met her, (she was friends with Sylvie and I used to speak to her sometimes), and she still does terrify me. If you tell her you don't want to go to the canteen she will start threatening you until you come. I was on the phone to her for an hour recently, when I had to go she said she was going to stab me. I still haven't worked out whether she's kidding or not.

Despite being a complete idiot for taking sciences for her A levels (fortunately she's regretting this) she's not too stupid. Sometimes when I say something stupid or wrong she gives me this really dead pan look like 'I'll give you a minute to figure out how fucking retarded what you just said was':

Just looking at that photo makes me shiver.

Hannah I'm really tired, I hope that's enough for you today.

Can't get this song out of my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrrZnnVBkXs

Well, we're coming up very close to 10,000 views ever, which is very exciting. I'm sat right now in my kitchen, as it hails down. I've just been to a writing workshop and found myself pretty frustrated after it. I'm finding that cynicism doesn't make you intelligent, and it's a point I've always felt strongly about since so many people use it to seem clever. For example, if you like a certain type of music then someone will always tell you you're not cultured enough and that you don't know 'real' music.

Anyway, there was this man who genuinely doesn't like Tom Hanks. He said, this exact phrase 'He's the poor man's Harrison Ford.' And I was so cross I wrote it down and planned this post. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's not anyone's place to change that, (unless it's like Hitler's opinion, that's less cool), but really. I got so angry.

Georgina has just showed me this, Taylor Swift has just raised her game. As per usual lyrics hit the nail on the head dead straight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY19UekAORQ

Sooo in love with this song right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn_GT7rh5C8

Also, this is kind of dull, (but anything's exciting when you've just written a 1200 word essay right?), sometimes my blog layout comes up as this:

But it's not meant to look like that it's meant to look like this:

Which is definitely more 'jazzy' as Rosa would say. I don't know whether yours makes it look like the top one. But it's not meant to. Okay, glad I cleared that up. Night night.

I'm not going to write a massive post tonight, because I have a 1200 word essay to write and currently I'm buzzing on the high of eating half a tomato (the other half fell onto the carpet on the stairs).

Anyway, the second topic I was given to write about by Hannah was whales. Now, I'm quite happy with this topic because I always thought whales were stupid. They live in water... and yet breathe air. Now, I'm not religious at all, I believe in evolution, but if 'God' was responsible for their evolution, what the fuck was he thinking? It makes absolutely no sense to do that. What's weirder, if you think about it, is that there are no land based animals which breathe water. So why whales? And it's not just whales is it. (Is it?)

Other interesting stuff I found was that whales don't sleep for long, because they have to go and get some more air. And, they only let half of their brain sleep at a time to remember to go and breathe. Which is pretty cool, but I'm guessing their dreams are rubbish. Also, we have different writing hands because of which side of our brain we use more, so depending on which half of the brain whales let sleep does that show what hand they do stuff with?

I'm really not sure what else you can say about whales, but my brother has a thing or two to say about them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1soXVIENYk

(It's in the middle of the video)

Apologies for the lateness of this post, I was reminded today by a fellow english student, (that sounded posh), that I needed to redeem this. She suggested, very kindly, that I write about fudge. Now, I thought I'd need a couple of days to think about this topic but when these arrived in the post, I simply knew it had to be today:

I know. My parents aren't too happy, dad said 'You'll break your ankle' and I smiled sweetly and said 'that's why I'm going to practise daddy.'

He still doesn't like them.

Anyway, to the matter of the fudge. A brief history of fudge is this: just before 1886 the origin of fudge isn't clear. However, it is suspected to be an american invention, it having sugar in and all. One probable theory is that someone was making a batch of caramel and it was 'fudged' because it was crap, but then fudge originated from that term. To be honest, I have no idea how you can make caramel so wrong to the point that it's fudge. I'm guessing they went 'Oh that's shit! Chuck it.' and someone sneakily tasted some and thought 'Hmmm... I could work with this consistency.' Eh voila!

It's interesting, that we are essentially eating a rubbish version of caramel. Although to be frank, I'm not keen on caramel. It rips your teeth out and doesn't taste great. I do like fudge though, mostly because you eat about 3 pieces and want to throw up, so it fills you and you don't feel like a fat ass afterwards.

I'm really struggling to think up much more for this whole fudge thing...

Wouldn't it be cool if you made a house out of fudge, not a real one a small one, and you glued it together with caramel. Be sort of ironic.

I think that's enough for today, I don't want to overload you with amazingly interesting stuff. I'll find some more information about my next given topic... again lovingly recommended by Hannah Bourne. (Who by the way, had very nice hair today and she didn't even tell me to say that, I just never said it to her all lesson even though I was gazing at it). I do think though that it would be nice to have some suggested topics from people, I want to keep current and 'in with the kids' 'n all. I sound about 80.

Lots of love.

Tonight, I am going to write in rhyme.

Because I feel now, we have got to that time.

In drama we're studying a play that's a poem,

There isn't really anything that rhymes with 'poem'.

I even checked rhyming dictionary,

Smekfhkdghdhgkdhg secretary.

But I've always felt, I've had this skill.

A talent I hide, which can cause a thrill.

So strap on your seat-belts and hold on real tight,

The wit and good literature is about to bite.

I've a talent for poetry that you must agree,

Is utterly incredible and it comes just from me.

As I write this I'm sat on the bed in my room.

I came from my mother, I came out her womb.

I like to watch tennis when it's played on T.V.,

I like to go shopping with friends in West Quay.

My dad likes to listen to music by 'Free',

I don't really like them I'd rather it was me.

I'm getting quite tired I would like to abscond,

(That means 'to leave' if you're thick as a pond).

But maybe this new way of blogging for you,

Will be a format of writing that I start to do.

So don't get all down if you're sad I must go,

Cause tomorrow I'll do a new poem- YAAAAY HO!

My brother is home from London this weekend, and I realised my family is like a sitcom, with all the typical characters. There's my mum, who takes the opportunity of having a son home by cooking anything she can find. She also keeps making little jokes but Joz just takes the piss out of her and winds her up. Then there's Barney, (who isn't here but roll with it), a typical Oxford snob, who: wakes up at 8 every morning, drinks coffee, plays piano and talks about realism and modernism and surrealism and anything other isms you can think of to do with clever things. He's posh.

Then there's the comic one, Joz, who plays crippling bad 'prog rock' and makes everyone laugh all the time. He also dresses quite badly, today he's wearing a bright red shirt. The younger daughter who sits quietly in the corner, (believe it or not, I can't get a word in edgeways when my brother(s) are home), daydreaming about irrelevant stuff and being reminded to tidy my room, or look something up. Finally, there's dad. You wouldn't know he was around, except that you can tell he is because everything is still working. He's off somewhere walking the dog, or in the corner washing up, or walking around carrying light bulbs that he needs to fit. It's like he goes into hibernation when the boys are here.

Earlier we had a gigantic row over Doctor Who. Mum and I think it's awful, Joz does not. Although, he came up with a brilliant idea of a series for Doctor Who, where essentially nothing happens. There's one episode where he eats some cake, and he loves it so much he goes back in time and has to kill himself to eat it and then he creates this paradox because he's dead but he's not. In another one, he goes shopping with a cyberman. They're all hilarious.

This is extraordinary:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDmp967UMds

You won't believe the day I've just had. So firstly, I went into Orange with my broken phone, and he calls up the people and they say they'll send me a new handset. I'm not making this up, as I am saying 'Yeah no it's totally dead, there's not even a red light...' to the guy down the phone, 'Tom,' (who I seem to be seeing very often what with all the phone palaver that's been occurring of late), takes the battery out, puts it back in and presses the on button. When I did that frantically last night? Nothing. When he did it? It turned on didn't it.

My mum and Evie and Tom are all having a good laugh at me, meanwhile I'm still speaking to this phone man saying 'I just came back to it and it won't charge or turn on....Yeah it's completely dead.' I had to hold the receiver away from me to laugh. Anyway, nice 'Tom,' (who, by the way has used his Media degree from Reading to film videos for Diana Vickers, Labrinth and Tinie Tempah to name a few), held his finger to his lips so that I could still get a new phone.

Anyway, later on today, I had a driving lesson. (In fact, just now). I had just crammed down my throat a pack of crisps and a chocolate bar because I was a bit late. So I thought, around about 10 metres from the car, that some chewing gum would be a good idea. Now, I love gum, but I'm aware that adults find it annoying and I feel uncomfortable chewing in front of them sometimes. Especially seeing as she was trusting me with her car. So I panic, and think 'I have to get rid of this now.' And at that moment, the only seemingly possible option was to smush the gum into my tights under my dress. So, I took it out my mouth while she wasn't looking and realised it was really sticky. I smush it under my tights, which took a lot of effort, but I still had loads of stringy stuff attached to my hands.

I start trying to  brush it off, but I'm getting stickier and sticker, and I just kept talking at Jane hoping she wouldn't notice and I could buy myself time. Eventually, I just had to say 'I'm really sorry, I've just been taking down a notice board at school and I have blue tack all over my hands.' She gave me a wet wipe, and it was resolved. I doubt she believed me. I didn't believe me. But that's how it happened. And then I arrived home, this is it AFTER having scraped most of the gum off my leg. It was also hanging attached to the inside of my dress:

I honestly don't know how I manage to be this sexy. Ciao for now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iL5NCrhHLo&feature=related

I've missed the xx.

Found this newer one too, perfect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD7IwXWfDW4

I am really shattered today. Dad and I drove up to Birmingham this morning and then looked round the uni, then drove home, I went driving with dad and then we came back home. And for some reason I'm exhausted. My eye's been hurting loads as well, so I keep throwing warm water at it hoping it won't go all gammy. My phone has decided to take an unscheduled holiday and is not turning on. Nothing has happened to it but for some reason it's not turning on or charging, so I'm back to that shitty temp phone again, and I'm going to yell at an unfortunate man in Orange tomorrow. How much do new batteries cost?

On a plus note, I really liked Birmingham today and I think I've picked my top 5 unis now which feels good. And another plus note is that the essay someone mentioned to me the other day didn't actually exist (which I should've worked out, seeing as it was Mr dew who set it). But yeah, arrived at the uni and Hannah Bourne was there, and we went on the tour with her and kept bumping into her all day, which was funny. We had a nice little moment when we were looking round the gym. We were walking out and I said to Hannah 'The guy sat down nearest us?' and she said 'Yep I saw him too.' Mmm....

Plus, these last couple of days I've been going scrapbook mad and filling it with loads of stuff which is good. I'm finally getting on with it ready to take to uni next year. My pa, bless him is getting properly into this laundry basket. Mum's been working out with him how they're going to attach the cushion and dad had a special trip out this evening to buy some more slats. And I forgot to mention, my mum went on a straw bale course, and she's now designing her future house and workshop studio. She wants to get lots of old ladies to come and sing and have therapy sessions and eat cake. That's going to be her next job.

One thing that is annoying me, is that my cheques haven't gone into my account yet, so iTunes is really cross with me because I owe them money. And I hate that jacket I bought recently, the white and light blue one, so I'm sending it back. In hindsight, I shouldn't really have tried to pull off a black-girl style, the girl on the website looks so good in it:

People go through life, changing and developing. Most people improve as well. Normally this process takes countless mistakes and attempts until they learn their lesson. It can be things like, 'I need to be more gentle on my clutch at junctions', or more complex situations for example, 'I won't sleep with someone on a first date again.' I'd say it takes quite a few tries to get these things into our system. I said once before that I believed people could change instantly if they had the discipline and the will power. I still believe that's true, but I think it's incredibly difficult and I'm not one of those people.

But also, sometimes if you change too quickly, then people don't adjust to you at the same rate, so you end up having to totally start again. If you do change really quickly, you kind of have no option but to make new friends as a new person. But then, if you're going to do that it's probably a good idea to have a really good thing about whether you're the right version of you. Everyone has a dream version of themselves that they want to be, or just little things that they want to adjust, whether it's your nose or your lack of modesty or something.

So I've decided, every day I'm going to write down something that I think about myself that I don't like. Then over time, I'll keep checking the list to see if I've improved on any of them or if I'm worse. It's all part of this being conscious of who you are type thing. It's going to be near impossible to stop any negative thoughts about yourself, but if you can constructively work on them then maybe it's using the negativity to a productive outcome.

My mum has decided we need a 'negativity box' so every time we say anything negative about ourselves we put in 50p. Bloody expensive idea if you ask me, my mum is always overly critical about herself so we're going to end up with her losing all her change and getting really annoyed at herself. Could be pretty entertaining.

Here's a funny picture of a penguin. I thought it was funny at least:

HI PEPSI!!!!

I've been waiting for something interesting enough to happen to me for me to blog, and I've realised that enough has happened now for that to be possible.

Found an old conversation I had with Ollie earlier:

Made me laugh.

Anyway, I've been going out in my car with my parents, and today I went out for the first time with mum. It was one of those really depressing drives though, I was completely shattered and I went up on the curb and then later on the L plate flew off the front of the car. We pulled over and I made mum drive us home to watch a film. Had a secretive little sob to myself.

I don't understand why I'm so tired. I slept for way too long friday night, and felt awful all day at work. My boss actually let me go earlier saying I needed sleep. Then I stayed over Bex's and we went to bed at around half 11, so I don't get why I'm so tired. And I'm pretty sure I've cracked a bone on my back somewhere, it's so painful all the time, I can barely sleep on it now.

Maybe it's just a bit of a lull since school's started, I feel like that initial energy is kind of gone now and it's just trudging onwards. Though I have to say, school doesn't seem too scary on the whole university front. Miss Evans said to me to take as long as I want on my personal statement because it's important, so I'm happy to calm that all down now. To be honest, everyone keeps talking about how stressful UCAS is, I really haven't found that at all. Had a chat with this nice girl in year 12 at speech day and I said that to her. I think year 12 is harder because you don't know who to talk to or where to sit and stuff.

Finally found this song as well, been humming 'oh ah' for AGES now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np5NFpOJHkI

Went to a shisha bar the other day, and Danny started coughing loads, and then he stopped and Isobel looked really shocked, so I thought 'Oh my god, he's coughed up blood' I look at the floor, and he's just brought a bloody earwig up. Alive. Must've come up the pipes from the shisha, absolutely disgusting. Izzy did take a photo but I'm not sharing it with you because it's horrible.

https://www.youtube.com/user/PoppyBexEvans?feature=watch

Just uploaded a couple of old videos, you may remember. About to edit one together of me and Pap too, so I'll repost tomorrow.

Well... interesting last few days. Right now, mum's up in London moving some of Joz's stuff to somewhere else. Dad is currently outside in the shed, fanatically working on a new laundry basket/stool he wants me to take uni bless him. He's already made me come outside and try sitting on it to make sure it works. I think mum's planning on making a cushion for the top of it (not exaggerating).

What else happened this weekend? Erm... let me see.... Oh! Mum went and bought me a car!! I was sat on the train coming home from Cardiff, and she texts me saying 'Just bought you a car.' and I had to force the details out of her. Was desperately trying not to wet myself with excitement. Anyway, I'm not going to put up the photos yet until it's home, so watch this space.

Had to work 9-6 yesterday after the party on friday. I was stomaching a lovely vod hangover, and I was sat eating lunch, added up all the calories I was eating. In that one go? 2100. That's 600 more than your daily average. Didn't feel much better after that I have to admit.

Evie and I showing our stunning pardy swagger.

Well, what a journey it's been:

From that first disgusting blue... to the green colour it went...

Dragged others down with me...

(My personal favourite)

The faded pink...

And finally to the plain blonde tinge. It's definitely feeling like the end of an era. An era, which I expect my children will look at photos of and ask what the hell I was thinking. Our modern day 'perm.'

It's been coming for a while now, say hello to old Poppy (but a bit darker):

It's funny, I was texting someone earlier saying that I had two older brothers, and I typed out 'they're piss annoying' and then suddenly thought, no they aren't. I've always been in complete awe of them, and despite mum's best efforts to make us normal, I don't really remember there being any arguments or bickering when I was a kid with them.

Actually, there was this one time when we were on holiday, Joz was about 11 and Barney about 14, and Joz was humming. Barney said 'Joz, shut up.' There was a little pause, then Joz carried on humming. It went on like that until I came to the doorway just in time to see Barney holding Joz against the wall telling him to shut up or else. I cried, and ran down to my parents, when I came back upstairs, Barney had gone into my room, stripped all my barbies and put them in funny positions to say sorry to me. So we've never been tooooo typical I guess.

But they never really annoy me. Barney is innocuously loud and Joz is awkward beyond belief, but still it's not regular for me to hate them. People with older brothers talk about how protective they are if they ever have a love interest, but I have to say mine aren't at all. I kind of wish they were. Barney's been out 'clubbing' with my ex boyfriend. That was odd.

And now where are they? Joz is a comedian, and I'm waiting for his big break. He's been destined to do well for himself since he was at school. He's the most convincing actor you could see. He would walk on stage, and it just wouldn't be Joz anymore. It's what I spent years trying to achieve but I couldn't, think you have to just have it.

Barney, Barney is a bloody genius is what he is. Hugely intelligent man, very wise but never uses his own theories. And just like me, he tortures himself. I think anyway, it's not something I've ever said to him. I was always closer to Joz growing up but I feel like there's this line of similarity between him and I that I don't want to acknowledge to him in case it breaks.

I love my brothers.