I've officially had the worst evening ever. This was going to be my first night in since monday, which doesn't sound that bad but I was really tired this week and stressed. So I get out the shower, mum says: "did you not hear the answerphone?" because my emails haven't been connecting with the writing group leaders', I didn't know we were going to see a play tonight. I had 10 minutes to be at the playhouse and I was there from 6 till 10, with a bunch of arrogant middle aged people who make me feel stupid and young. They went round the circle and said 'Oh I'm Jim, I've got two plays on at the minute, directing another and just own this competition...' they talk for ages and it got to me and all I could say was 'I'm at sixth form' I hate being so young and waiting for my life to start.

During this, my mum texted me saying maybe I should have tomorrow off to catch up on some sleep and feel better, I got home and she said 'I'll give you a lift to school tomorrow' which means that I'm not getting a day off after all, which after thinking I would have one has upset me so much. I feel ridiculously stressed. This weekend, I'm going to a friends friday, straight to work saturday, straight to babysitting after work, then I'm in at work the next day for the campaign change, which is crazy because I've done way over my hours for this week and next. I swear they aren't paying me for over time at the minute as well... need to check my statement more closely and work out how much I should be getting.

When I finally climbed into bed, hysterically upset and being girly, I realised I hadn't blogged and I said I'd fail my A level if I didn't blog every day. I know that seems like something really trivial, but when I fail at things like that I get really freaked out. So I got even more upset. I'm tired and stressed enough to burst into tears right now, and I really need Mr Dew to give me back my personal statement so I can go to uni. And I need to hand that letter in. FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK. If I have to go to english tomorrow I'm probably going to burst into tears, can't stand english at the moment.

What I realised tonight as well, was that I used to be amazing at talking to people I don't know well. I cannot do it now. I panic, sound nervous and make it awkward. It's so upsetting to watch everything I used to be good at disappearing. Almost swore at my parents tonight for no reason, which is really unlike me. Really sad.