Well. The days blur into one. Every Wednesday seems to be a Tuesday to me. And today I had the horror of seeing a new trainee sat with MY mentor. Not happy. Competition.

  But apart from work I don't really do much. I find myself not as conscious of my thoughts nowadays, the way I used to study them has waned. Nothing seems to happen or be achieved. I am too tired to read, and I miss my friends when I can't see them. I was flung into this completely different routine and now it seems that I am playing catch up.

  I walked home tonight, staring at my tummy. It seems those extra lunches, (my reputation for consuming food has now reached the level where other colleagues pass along their unwanted food in my direction without an utterance), are finally catching up with me. Bit of a tum I have. And my face is getting chubby. Not terribly, but when you have a food baby a good 4 hours after lunch, it's time to reconsider those extra chocolate bars right? - fyi. 3 chocolate bars for £1.20 in Tesco at the moment.

  I've kept kidding myself that I'd become some sort of career goddess when my job started, that I'd have my own flat, I'd wake early to do my work-out (har har) and stroll into work looking effortlessly together and awake, regular coffee in hand. And I'd just smile and say good morning without dropping anything or making a weird noise. But who am I kidding?! It is of course, me.

So. I seem to be a caricature of myself nowadays, if that were possible. But I accept that now.

  What next? I am tidying my room tonight, I shall be starting to send things to the charity shop soon, and that's that. Clear out the old and bring in the new. How can we become a better person without our environment changing? I leave you to ponder that. Happy happy happy Poppy.