http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfeYvl2i4Uc&feature=youtu.be
Do I have to say much more?
Monday, 6 February 2012
Sunday, 5 February 2012
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPRt2r3Qemw
I had a real low last night, I was over thinking things and it looks like there's a couple of things I need to actually get round to sorting out. But ya know what? I'm actually past caring.
I've had an attitude shift. I'm going to work hard and see how that affects stuff. Then I'll go through a phase of not working so hard again, it swings like that. No matter whether it's at 11 at night or 5 when I get home, the homework is always on my teachers desk the next day. So I'm going to work hard for a while.
I'm going to be honest about the fact my art isn't done. I'm going to be ok, basically. I feel really exhausted and there's no point trying really hard anymore, massive priority sort out. Basically, you have to work at what makes you happy, but if you don't know what makes you happy you have to work at what will benefit you best. Hello AS levels. Bite me.
And when you hear about other people being happy, you have to stick two fingers up to the world and just keep going. You see I'm at this point where when I'm sat down, with time, I can just nod my head like, ok, this is what the situation is. Not dealing with it won't make it any easier. So I did some homework at work today to help things along. I ate two cookies, took some neurofen. When did I turn into a typical working girl? Now all I need to do now is throw up after meals and I'm like a stereotypical workaholic. Paha. Except, I'm not addicted to working. Ooh... maybe I should be.
Ok, if I get to the point where work is addictive, I can pull it off to the end of these two years right? Argh, and then another how ever many. Actually, now I think of it. This is life. Life is stress, and hard work, and having so much to do you either cry or fucking get on with it. There are no breaks. All of us think at uni we'll get a breather. Life has started as of this year, it doesn't get any simpler. Unless you marry someone rich and spend your time popping all your brain cells and watching jezza kyle. So who's with me? If I stick up for life, then other people follow. It's always you vs the world.
Frankly, bring it.
I had a real low last night, I was over thinking things and it looks like there's a couple of things I need to actually get round to sorting out. But ya know what? I'm actually past caring.
I've had an attitude shift. I'm going to work hard and see how that affects stuff. Then I'll go through a phase of not working so hard again, it swings like that. No matter whether it's at 11 at night or 5 when I get home, the homework is always on my teachers desk the next day. So I'm going to work hard for a while.
I'm going to be honest about the fact my art isn't done. I'm going to be ok, basically. I feel really exhausted and there's no point trying really hard anymore, massive priority sort out. Basically, you have to work at what makes you happy, but if you don't know what makes you happy you have to work at what will benefit you best. Hello AS levels. Bite me.
And when you hear about other people being happy, you have to stick two fingers up to the world and just keep going. You see I'm at this point where when I'm sat down, with time, I can just nod my head like, ok, this is what the situation is. Not dealing with it won't make it any easier. So I did some homework at work today to help things along. I ate two cookies, took some neurofen. When did I turn into a typical working girl? Now all I need to do now is throw up after meals and I'm like a stereotypical workaholic. Paha. Except, I'm not addicted to working. Ooh... maybe I should be.
Ok, if I get to the point where work is addictive, I can pull it off to the end of these two years right? Argh, and then another how ever many. Actually, now I think of it. This is life. Life is stress, and hard work, and having so much to do you either cry or fucking get on with it. There are no breaks. All of us think at uni we'll get a breather. Life has started as of this year, it doesn't get any simpler. Unless you marry someone rich and spend your time popping all your brain cells and watching jezza kyle. So who's with me? If I stick up for life, then other people follow. It's always you vs the world.
Frankly, bring it.
Saturday, 4 February 2012
So here's the basic information about the play: Last night I went to see Missing, (written by Barney Norris), at the Tristan Bates theatre in London. It was directed by Alice Hamilton and put on by Up In Arms theatre company.
Entering the theatre last night and sitting down waiting for it to begin, I was extremely curious to see the characters. From what I knew, it was pretty much a play about Joz and Barney, but with a different outcome. And then the play started. From the very moment the character Luke (Rob Heaps) comes onto the stage, standing with light spilling around him in the doorway, looking at the audience as if it has just hit him that his whole life has changed, I knew it was going to be heartbreaking.
Then the first scene begins, and Andy is sat attempting to play guitar on one of the beds, while Luke sits with a little black notebook on his bed, trying to write, clearly irritated by his brother's playing. This already made me laugh. As a child I remember Barney carrying around an almost identical book for his various novels or plays, completely consumed by the idea of being a writer. Joz never played guitar, but the clumsy way Andy strummed through the chords, muttering to himself and then looking up at Luke for some kind of reaction really reminded me of the way Joz pushed Barney constantly as a child. (Having said that, Joz has recently taken up ukulele 'for a laugh' and it's equally irritating).
I watched the characters talking onstage thinking, oh my god, this is literally Barney and Joz. I couldn't believe that two actors could get the interpretation of the characters so right from just looking at the script, but they did. However, this similarity didn't last, and when Andy's constant noise didn't result in Luke getting up and hitting him in the face, I knew that Barney wasn't writing about himself and Joz.
Bit by bit, the play takes a much darker route. It's almost as if you can see Andy's teenage depression intensify and defeat him, his character deterioration portrayed perfectly by Joe Robertson. Maybe deterioration is too strong a word, but Andy's problem is he understands things too well. He can work out and process situations so much faster than Luke. Luke's older, so the play leans you to thinking Luke is responsible and knows how to deal with things, but he doesn't. He has no clue what's going on, and no idea on how to prevent what he know's is going to happen. Sure, he knows Andy is going to die when he hears he's joined the army. So does Andy. So does everyone in their lives. But Andy understands that it is his easy option out, he's running away from life, in a way that I'm not sure Luke understands Andy's motives.
As for the matter of whether Andy does die or not, even Barney wasn't sure when we spoke to him afterwards, and he wrote the damn thing. But I think you have to accept it for black and white and not get too 'english' about it - he dies. You wouldn't take a suit to the hospital for someone who's in a coma. Unless you were really keen on them dying. I don't believe Luke would have the strength of character to think through taking a suit before Andy's death, he's not strong enough to deal with that emotional strain. In my opinion, he dies. And I think he should die, we've practically been spoon fed that all through the play, the sense of tragedy and hopelessness would be lost if he lived on.
But then, in a sense he does live on. He becomes a presence in Luke's monologues, and I can't accept that he disappears, because Luke says at the beginning that he walked into the room and he could see them, like a literal, visual flashback.
The writing style was perfection. The quips, the arguing, the jokes were all perfectly simple and realistic. It was a raw connection, a true to life examination of a brotherly relationship blown out of proportion and it was beautiful, you can't argue against that. It almost wasn't acting it was so real. For me, the most memorable moment was when Andy comes bursting into the room, furious that Luke told their mother about a concert Andy'd planned to go to behind her back. There was a moment where he was stood over Luke's tapes looking at him, and he looked down at the tapes and back up at him. And you just knew, as soon as you saw it. When it had happened, and the two held this long, long silence, staring at the mess around them and each other. That's when the audience knew, this physical representation of their lives and to an extent the future of their relationship. More than anything it was just a wonderfully kept moment, and a wonderfully tense and yet accepting atmosphere in the room. It was like the audience were shocked, but there was an air of 'Ok, yeah, this has happened' to the room. It was flawless. The way the two actors bounced off each other was absolutely the detail in the fabric.
I would've loved to have seen the play having not known about Joz and Barney growing up. I loved seeing it from this point of view, but to me it actually seemed like what would've happened if Joz hadn't pulled himself through those years of teenage angst, or whatever you want to call it. I want to know how tragic and differently interpreted the characters were outside of my family.
I've found this ridiculously hard, and I've gone over it so many times and it still makes little sense to me, so I think I'm going to leave it at this.
I was also asked to do an anonymous mention for someone - HIIIIII (the best thing to say I could think of)
And it a nutshell how was my day? Spent all morning with Georgina and Hannah hunting Jamie and Spencer from Made In Chelsea, of course we didn't see them, and then sold £275 worth of stuff to someone at work, I was shaking. Hello ATV brownie points. Mum and dad offered me chocolate cake and I said no, so they've been asking me if I'm ok all evening. And I feel down having just watched Never Let Me Go.
Entering the theatre last night and sitting down waiting for it to begin, I was extremely curious to see the characters. From what I knew, it was pretty much a play about Joz and Barney, but with a different outcome. And then the play started. From the very moment the character Luke (Rob Heaps) comes onto the stage, standing with light spilling around him in the doorway, looking at the audience as if it has just hit him that his whole life has changed, I knew it was going to be heartbreaking.
Then the first scene begins, and Andy is sat attempting to play guitar on one of the beds, while Luke sits with a little black notebook on his bed, trying to write, clearly irritated by his brother's playing. This already made me laugh. As a child I remember Barney carrying around an almost identical book for his various novels or plays, completely consumed by the idea of being a writer. Joz never played guitar, but the clumsy way Andy strummed through the chords, muttering to himself and then looking up at Luke for some kind of reaction really reminded me of the way Joz pushed Barney constantly as a child. (Having said that, Joz has recently taken up ukulele 'for a laugh' and it's equally irritating).
I watched the characters talking onstage thinking, oh my god, this is literally Barney and Joz. I couldn't believe that two actors could get the interpretation of the characters so right from just looking at the script, but they did. However, this similarity didn't last, and when Andy's constant noise didn't result in Luke getting up and hitting him in the face, I knew that Barney wasn't writing about himself and Joz.
Bit by bit, the play takes a much darker route. It's almost as if you can see Andy's teenage depression intensify and defeat him, his character deterioration portrayed perfectly by Joe Robertson. Maybe deterioration is too strong a word, but Andy's problem is he understands things too well. He can work out and process situations so much faster than Luke. Luke's older, so the play leans you to thinking Luke is responsible and knows how to deal with things, but he doesn't. He has no clue what's going on, and no idea on how to prevent what he know's is going to happen. Sure, he knows Andy is going to die when he hears he's joined the army. So does Andy. So does everyone in their lives. But Andy understands that it is his easy option out, he's running away from life, in a way that I'm not sure Luke understands Andy's motives.
As for the matter of whether Andy does die or not, even Barney wasn't sure when we spoke to him afterwards, and he wrote the damn thing. But I think you have to accept it for black and white and not get too 'english' about it - he dies. You wouldn't take a suit to the hospital for someone who's in a coma. Unless you were really keen on them dying. I don't believe Luke would have the strength of character to think through taking a suit before Andy's death, he's not strong enough to deal with that emotional strain. In my opinion, he dies. And I think he should die, we've practically been spoon fed that all through the play, the sense of tragedy and hopelessness would be lost if he lived on.
But then, in a sense he does live on. He becomes a presence in Luke's monologues, and I can't accept that he disappears, because Luke says at the beginning that he walked into the room and he could see them, like a literal, visual flashback.
The writing style was perfection. The quips, the arguing, the jokes were all perfectly simple and realistic. It was a raw connection, a true to life examination of a brotherly relationship blown out of proportion and it was beautiful, you can't argue against that. It almost wasn't acting it was so real. For me, the most memorable moment was when Andy comes bursting into the room, furious that Luke told their mother about a concert Andy'd planned to go to behind her back. There was a moment where he was stood over Luke's tapes looking at him, and he looked down at the tapes and back up at him. And you just knew, as soon as you saw it. When it had happened, and the two held this long, long silence, staring at the mess around them and each other. That's when the audience knew, this physical representation of their lives and to an extent the future of their relationship. More than anything it was just a wonderfully kept moment, and a wonderfully tense and yet accepting atmosphere in the room. It was like the audience were shocked, but there was an air of 'Ok, yeah, this has happened' to the room. It was flawless. The way the two actors bounced off each other was absolutely the detail in the fabric.
I would've loved to have seen the play having not known about Joz and Barney growing up. I loved seeing it from this point of view, but to me it actually seemed like what would've happened if Joz hadn't pulled himself through those years of teenage angst, or whatever you want to call it. I want to know how tragic and differently interpreted the characters were outside of my family.
I've found this ridiculously hard, and I've gone over it so many times and it still makes little sense to me, so I think I'm going to leave it at this.
I was also asked to do an anonymous mention for someone - HIIIIII (the best thing to say I could think of)
And it a nutshell how was my day? Spent all morning with Georgina and Hannah hunting Jamie and Spencer from Made In Chelsea, of course we didn't see them, and then sold £275 worth of stuff to someone at work, I was shaking. Hello ATV brownie points. Mum and dad offered me chocolate cake and I said no, so they've been asking me if I'm ok all evening. And I feel down having just watched Never Let Me Go.
Wonderfully sad film.
Friday, 3 February 2012
Apologies for not blogging yesterday evening, went out for a meal with some work colleagues and we ate 9 main courses between 5 people, so I wasn't quite feeling up to it. I won't be blogging tonight because I'm off to London to see this new play my brother's written.
WHICH MEANS I will actually get to do a review tomorrow morning, which I've been desperate to do. So far all I know is the play is about 2 brothers growing up, and one of them leaves and joins the army, and the other one completely crumbles without him. We laughed really hard when we heard about it, because it's basically Barney writing about him and Joz. It was even funnier when Barney cast someone else to be the part based on Joz. I spoke to Joz yesterday, he'd been to see it, and apparently you can clearly see the two of them in the writing, so I can't wait for that.
I thought because of this I'd share a couple of memories of growing up with the boys. My most clear memory of them together was when we were on holiday somewhere, and my door was open into their room, so I could hear them. Joz was singing a song, and Barney finally said 'If you don't stop singing that song I'm going to beat you up' and there was a pause, and then I heard Joz's little voice singing again. When I heard some weird noises, I went to see what had happened, and Barney had Joz up against the wall by his neck telling him to shut up. I cried so much at the time, but I bet it was a really petty fight.
Joz told mum recently that Barney used to hit him all the time as a child, which I have to say I do remember and mum got really upset, even though Joz laughed it off. If there's any older brother who doesn't hit his younger brother out there, I'm very surprised.
I can't really remember any other memory of them together, but I remember them separately. On walks with the family, (which mum made us do), Joz used to walk ahead with me and tell me stories of Arthur and the round table or whatever, and the Odyssey, which has turned out to be very handy. I would badger him the whole time for a piggyback, but he never gave me one.
Barney and I weren't so close when I was younger, but we were when I was a baby. He was a bit of a rebellious teen, so I don't blame him for us getting less close as I got older. But I have to say, I love my relationship with my brothers so much now. Popping up to London to see a play with them, or them coming down to Salisbury I have the best time. Especially when mum and dad aren't there, because that means I get the piss taken out of me less. Like last Christmas, I came downstairs and found the entire family on facebook looking at Robin's profile, before we'd even said it was official. I had the piss taken out of me for the rest of the holiday.
There's a lot more I can say, but I need to do my make up for school now.
Listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otPxoVQiIGo&feature=autoplay&list=PL61664A7554D238D0&lf=plpp_video&playnext=1
Ps. Barney and Joz, you walk to fast. Slow down.
WHICH MEANS I will actually get to do a review tomorrow morning, which I've been desperate to do. So far all I know is the play is about 2 brothers growing up, and one of them leaves and joins the army, and the other one completely crumbles without him. We laughed really hard when we heard about it, because it's basically Barney writing about him and Joz. It was even funnier when Barney cast someone else to be the part based on Joz. I spoke to Joz yesterday, he'd been to see it, and apparently you can clearly see the two of them in the writing, so I can't wait for that.
I thought because of this I'd share a couple of memories of growing up with the boys. My most clear memory of them together was when we were on holiday somewhere, and my door was open into their room, so I could hear them. Joz was singing a song, and Barney finally said 'If you don't stop singing that song I'm going to beat you up' and there was a pause, and then I heard Joz's little voice singing again. When I heard some weird noises, I went to see what had happened, and Barney had Joz up against the wall by his neck telling him to shut up. I cried so much at the time, but I bet it was a really petty fight.
Joz told mum recently that Barney used to hit him all the time as a child, which I have to say I do remember and mum got really upset, even though Joz laughed it off. If there's any older brother who doesn't hit his younger brother out there, I'm very surprised.
I can't really remember any other memory of them together, but I remember them separately. On walks with the family, (which mum made us do), Joz used to walk ahead with me and tell me stories of Arthur and the round table or whatever, and the Odyssey, which has turned out to be very handy. I would badger him the whole time for a piggyback, but he never gave me one.
Barney and I weren't so close when I was younger, but we were when I was a baby. He was a bit of a rebellious teen, so I don't blame him for us getting less close as I got older. But I have to say, I love my relationship with my brothers so much now. Popping up to London to see a play with them, or them coming down to Salisbury I have the best time. Especially when mum and dad aren't there, because that means I get the piss taken out of me less. Like last Christmas, I came downstairs and found the entire family on facebook looking at Robin's profile, before we'd even said it was official. I had the piss taken out of me for the rest of the holiday.
There's a lot more I can say, but I need to do my make up for school now.
Listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otPxoVQiIGo&feature=autoplay&list=PL61664A7554D238D0&lf=plpp_video&playnext=1
Ps. Barney and Joz, you walk to fast. Slow down.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
I was joking around today with someone about how funny it would be if I wrote a blog post of the list of everything wrong with me, (as in, funny stuff, not me being dramatic), but actually it's been quite an eventful day, so I'd rather talk about that.
So I had english first thing, got lots of work done (HAHA) then drama at bish which was good, because we actually did some work. Then I walked back via tesco and in my excitement bought two packs of triple chocolate cookies, a loaf of bread and then 4 medium sized baguettes. I think I was over optimistic with how much I could 'snack'. Anyway, I then spent my free talking with Beth and Jessie, and it was really good to sort stuff out. Walking back into the common room after, I felt like I'd just taken in a massive lungful of air, it was so refreshing. Bit awkward though when you go into a separate room from people to talk and then later they come in and sit with you. Why would you do that?!
After that I had general studies, which to my surprise was a complete and utter waste of time. I honestly could not care less. I detest general studies, and I detest being told off for napping. Then after school, I went up to see Miss Evans to get my exam paper and she was in such a sad mood I went down to see mum, (who was about to take staff choir), and she sent me back up to see Miss E with cake, and she saw it and said 'That's the nicest thing that's happened to me today' and I said, 'Are you okay?' and she said 'Urrr not really at the minute.' and then after that I walked home crying. I feel a bit sad for having got so upset that she was upset. Honestly, she's becoming a second mother to me. I love Miss Evans. Not in a creepy way.
What was nice though, when you're sad, you go through thinking about who you want to talk to about it at that moment. Normally when I do this, my mind goes blank, but today I thought of so many people I could've rung and moaned at. But I didn't because that's just piss annoying and I'm actually fine.
Here's a video that I just found on my laptop that cheered me up. And there's one point where it sounds like I say 'Now you've recorded yourself talking about Izzy Simmons' but I wasn't trying to say that because we hadn't been talking about Izzy Simmons. So I don't know what that means.
So I had english first thing, got lots of work done (HAHA) then drama at bish which was good, because we actually did some work. Then I walked back via tesco and in my excitement bought two packs of triple chocolate cookies, a loaf of bread and then 4 medium sized baguettes. I think I was over optimistic with how much I could 'snack'. Anyway, I then spent my free talking with Beth and Jessie, and it was really good to sort stuff out. Walking back into the common room after, I felt like I'd just taken in a massive lungful of air, it was so refreshing. Bit awkward though when you go into a separate room from people to talk and then later they come in and sit with you. Why would you do that?!
After that I had general studies, which to my surprise was a complete and utter waste of time. I honestly could not care less. I detest general studies, and I detest being told off for napping. Then after school, I went up to see Miss Evans to get my exam paper and she was in such a sad mood I went down to see mum, (who was about to take staff choir), and she sent me back up to see Miss E with cake, and she saw it and said 'That's the nicest thing that's happened to me today' and I said, 'Are you okay?' and she said 'Urrr not really at the minute.' and then after that I walked home crying. I feel a bit sad for having got so upset that she was upset. Honestly, she's becoming a second mother to me. I love Miss Evans. Not in a creepy way.
What was nice though, when you're sad, you go through thinking about who you want to talk to about it at that moment. Normally when I do this, my mind goes blank, but today I thought of so many people I could've rung and moaned at. But I didn't because that's just piss annoying and I'm actually fine.
Here's a video that I just found on my laptop that cheered me up. And there's one point where it sounds like I say 'Now you've recorded yourself talking about Izzy Simmons' but I wasn't trying to say that because we hadn't been talking about Izzy Simmons. So I don't know what that means.
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