I am currently in the process of taking everything over the road to the Kelly house. And it is proving a most exhausting task, in every possible way.
I will always look back on this time on how it was a hugely exciting exertion, an incredibly hopeful time and one of the hardest I've yet had to go through. I have really missed my brother's the past few years but it has given me and my parents a window to become an incredibly close unit, and knowing that might not be there for a while is quite hard to come to terms with. But I find myself from tonight with a new family again and I am so excited to be spending time outside my home, in a weird way. I mean come on, double bed!
This week I have a gorgeous plan, I'm moving out, seeing two extremely close friends in London, catching up with old and new friends and starting to plan my travels. I've decided - fuck it, I'll go away. So for me, I have never had such an exciting moment in my life as I am now and that is amazing. I love my job, my family, my friends. Everything seems to be slotting into place. That's enough for me for now.
As for my parents being far away, I am still going to see them once a week and I'll be living with them again for a month before I go away, and before uni. It'll be so good to get out of Salisbury and into the bleak midwinter, rolling hills of Wales.
On a funnier note, today I put a penis jelly sweet into Liam (from work)'s tea. It dissolved. Har har. Back to pack.
Monday, 28 October 2013
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Being a Class A Knob.
It's not easy, cacking things up you know. It takes time, practise and an incredibly low amount of common sense.
Fancy an example? Today I did the STUPIDEST thing ever.
So I woke up at 9:30, looked at my laptop, kept checking the time on there to make sure I wasn't late. Had a shower, kept checking the time in there so I knew I wasn't over-running. Then I had breakfast, checking the clock to make sure I was on time. Then I walked to town, checking my iPod to make sure I was still on time.
Got into town, and weirdly Boots hadn't unlocked the doors so I had to get a sandwich from Starbucks. Town was very quiet. Then I got to work, opened up, served someone some soap. Kept checking the time on the card machine to see how it was going. Then it got to 4! Hooray! So from three, I was sweeping and mopping. Then by four, I had brought in the a-board, turned the music off and was happily cashing up the till. That's when something strange happened.
I suppose though, the real beginning of the story would be in France about a month ago. My phone didn't register the time difference when I arrived there so I had to turn it forward myself. Then one morning it woke me early and I got up and changed; when my roommates informed me I had the wrong time, and my phone had put itself forward another hour. I got back into bed fully clothed and angry.
You see where I'm going with this don't you.
So when I got back from France, it didn't register the time difference and I needed an alarm for work so I set it up ready to wake me. Everything had been fine for four weeks. Until today.
Today my phone put the time back a further hour. I woke up at 8:15, got to work for 9:40 and did worked an extra hour for absolutely no reason. And the really stupid thing was thinking about all the clocks I'd looked at ALL day and I hadn't sniffed that there was anything wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Time to pack and skype Georgie.
Fancy an example? Today I did the STUPIDEST thing ever.
So I woke up at 9:30, looked at my laptop, kept checking the time on there to make sure I wasn't late. Had a shower, kept checking the time in there so I knew I wasn't over-running. Then I had breakfast, checking the clock to make sure I was on time. Then I walked to town, checking my iPod to make sure I was still on time.
Got into town, and weirdly Boots hadn't unlocked the doors so I had to get a sandwich from Starbucks. Town was very quiet. Then I got to work, opened up, served someone some soap. Kept checking the time on the card machine to see how it was going. Then it got to 4! Hooray! So from three, I was sweeping and mopping. Then by four, I had brought in the a-board, turned the music off and was happily cashing up the till. That's when something strange happened.
I suppose though, the real beginning of the story would be in France about a month ago. My phone didn't register the time difference when I arrived there so I had to turn it forward myself. Then one morning it woke me early and I got up and changed; when my roommates informed me I had the wrong time, and my phone had put itself forward another hour. I got back into bed fully clothed and angry.
You see where I'm going with this don't you.
So when I got back from France, it didn't register the time difference and I needed an alarm for work so I set it up ready to wake me. Everything had been fine for four weeks. Until today.
Today my phone put the time back a further hour. I woke up at 8:15, got to work for 9:40 and did worked an extra hour for absolutely no reason. And the really stupid thing was thinking about all the clocks I'd looked at ALL day and I hadn't sniffed that there was anything wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Time to pack and skype Georgie.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Playbacks
I have been clearing out my room ready for the move, (you'd be surprised how many insects and coins we have surrounding us), and I found this on some till paper from work. Something I scribbled out a while ago, and I quite liked it. I'll pop it below.
But an update on my year, I have started the book I want to write. One page in, I like it so far. It'll be a series of different people's lives. And the boxes are popping up round the house. I have found myself wondering into rooms and feeling confused, that something doesn't feel right. The candelabra will have gone, or the mirror isn't there. It's very strange. Tonight I helped Jess Sparey take our - much used (ironic comment) - exercise bike away. It's all very peculiar, to see my childhood being stripped down into fragments in front of me. I get one more farewell to the bits and pieces that shaped me and then they are going in the bin, or being driven far away.
Tonight Mum and I fell apart about the whole thing really. I'd thought of how much I'd miss my dog Spud, but not really realised how much I'd miss my batty flatmates. There's Rob; he's this quiet practical guy. But sometimes he comes out with things that make you wonder how sensible his thoughts are. He moves things as well... you can guarantee if something that's always lived in the same place has been relocated elsewhere that he's been the culprit of it. He's always, always calm. And then there's my other flatmate, Fiona. What can I say. She's fucking mental. She once woke up at 3 in the morning, couldn't sleep, so went and sent an email to someone. At 7 that morning she was complaining and panicking about why they hadn't replied. And she puts condoms in my sandwiches.
I will miss them. It's going to be strange picking through lunch and not knowing why it's all in order. Or looking for something and finding it right in the place you expect it to be. Mind you I am moving in with James so who knows what that'll open my eyes up to.
PLAYBACKS
I was little when it had happened.
Didn't think anything of it.
Fragments.
Mum used to smile at me to reassure me.
Everything's okay.
She used to stroke my neck at bed time;
Take me to Auntie Karen's
Before Dad got home.
Didn't think anything of it.
I was lying in bed when the playbacks started.
Smashed glass, grey skin,
Blood even.
They told me, the ketchup bottle had smashed.
Looking back, we only bought
The plastic bottles.
Easier to get the last bits out.
I don't think Mum ever got sick.
I think he was.
Grandma Irene never told me she'd taken up rum.
Rum made her cry,
But no one explained
So I stopped asking.
But the playbacks.
They show it in HD 3D colour.
Memories I've dug up from the very corners.
Where her hands were,
The hands that stroked my neck, flat up
Towards him.
"Don't."
Not quite the game they told me it was.
I've learnt that from the playbacks.
But an update on my year, I have started the book I want to write. One page in, I like it so far. It'll be a series of different people's lives. And the boxes are popping up round the house. I have found myself wondering into rooms and feeling confused, that something doesn't feel right. The candelabra will have gone, or the mirror isn't there. It's very strange. Tonight I helped Jess Sparey take our - much used (ironic comment) - exercise bike away. It's all very peculiar, to see my childhood being stripped down into fragments in front of me. I get one more farewell to the bits and pieces that shaped me and then they are going in the bin, or being driven far away.
Tonight Mum and I fell apart about the whole thing really. I'd thought of how much I'd miss my dog Spud, but not really realised how much I'd miss my batty flatmates. There's Rob; he's this quiet practical guy. But sometimes he comes out with things that make you wonder how sensible his thoughts are. He moves things as well... you can guarantee if something that's always lived in the same place has been relocated elsewhere that he's been the culprit of it. He's always, always calm. And then there's my other flatmate, Fiona. What can I say. She's fucking mental. She once woke up at 3 in the morning, couldn't sleep, so went and sent an email to someone. At 7 that morning she was complaining and panicking about why they hadn't replied. And she puts condoms in my sandwiches.
I will miss them. It's going to be strange picking through lunch and not knowing why it's all in order. Or looking for something and finding it right in the place you expect it to be. Mind you I am moving in with James so who knows what that'll open my eyes up to.
PLAYBACKS
I was little when it had happened.
Didn't think anything of it.
Fragments.
Mum used to smile at me to reassure me.
Everything's okay.
She used to stroke my neck at bed time;
Take me to Auntie Karen's
Before Dad got home.
Didn't think anything of it.
I was lying in bed when the playbacks started.
Smashed glass, grey skin,
Blood even.
They told me, the ketchup bottle had smashed.
Looking back, we only bought
The plastic bottles.
Easier to get the last bits out.
I don't think Mum ever got sick.
I think he was.
Grandma Irene never told me she'd taken up rum.
Rum made her cry,
But no one explained
So I stopped asking.
But the playbacks.
They show it in HD 3D colour.
Memories I've dug up from the very corners.
Where her hands were,
The hands that stroked my neck, flat up
Towards him.
"Don't."
Not quite the game they told me it was.
I've learnt that from the playbacks.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013
Just one drink?
It's less than a week until I move in with the Kelly family and I am feeling quite strange. I think it'll be weird to be living two doors away from my parents, who are still going to be here for a while. I have so much packing to do. So much clothing!
And my plans next year? Who knows. I would love to travel, I'm finding it upsetting to think I might not be able to see any of that. I just need to think but it's so hard to choose, I really am hanging on to any hope of getting away. So if anyone needs a travel partner... please!
As for the list of things I wanted to achieve this year, none of them seem to be getting done yet. I'm too tired in the evening to do any writing besides this, so the idea I had to write a 'book' seems a colossal project beyond the outline I've written. The dismal weather isn't helping my ethic either.
On the bright side, it's amazing what some exercise will do for you. I did a tiny bit the other day and felt hugely better. It's back to basics now, so my plan is to eat well, do exercise and pack up my room. I think I just need to focus on getting back to a good neutral now. Not that I'm unhappy, I just mean that my decisions will flow from a more easy state of mind.
I did also have the best night on Saturday. I'm not sure Salisbury is as shit as they say it is. A great night is what you make it, so I think everyone needs to stop complaining and just have fun. It's not that hard once you're in the right frame of mind and you're nice and merry. The best nights start with: 'Just one drink...' Then BAM you're flat out on your arse in Voodoo with about 6 pairs of arms helping you up. Texts you forgot you sent, texts from friends of people you danced with, adds on Facebook of unfamiliar names.
That's what I call a good night.
And my plans next year? Who knows. I would love to travel, I'm finding it upsetting to think I might not be able to see any of that. I just need to think but it's so hard to choose, I really am hanging on to any hope of getting away. So if anyone needs a travel partner... please!
As for the list of things I wanted to achieve this year, none of them seem to be getting done yet. I'm too tired in the evening to do any writing besides this, so the idea I had to write a 'book' seems a colossal project beyond the outline I've written. The dismal weather isn't helping my ethic either.
On the bright side, it's amazing what some exercise will do for you. I did a tiny bit the other day and felt hugely better. It's back to basics now, so my plan is to eat well, do exercise and pack up my room. I think I just need to focus on getting back to a good neutral now. Not that I'm unhappy, I just mean that my decisions will flow from a more easy state of mind.
I did also have the best night on Saturday. I'm not sure Salisbury is as shit as they say it is. A great night is what you make it, so I think everyone needs to stop complaining and just have fun. It's not that hard once you're in the right frame of mind and you're nice and merry. The best nights start with: 'Just one drink...' Then BAM you're flat out on your arse in Voodoo with about 6 pairs of arms helping you up. Texts you forgot you sent, texts from friends of people you danced with, adds on Facebook of unfamiliar names.
That's what I call a good night.
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
Confusion
Well everything seems to be happening. I have boxes in my room, that's how happening it is. On a negative side, I dropped a book on my laptop and now the backspace key is broken off. I am sad.
My plans for next year have been scuppered recently, so I am now clueless about what I'll do next year. But, on a plus side, I am seeing James Bradwell pretending to be a prostitute on Saturday night, and I have been spending more time with some really great people recently. Things could always be worse.
I'm starting to wonder, the number of times I mention James Bradwell on here, they might find this blog in millions of years and he'll become the next deity everyone worships... that'd be cool.
Speaking of religion, I heard something the other day about how monkey's have religion. This science guy was talking on the radio about how certain groups of monkeys eat ants and if you don't eat ants, you can't hang out with them. Apparently 12% of their poo contains ants, for no reason at all health wise. It's just what they do. I reckon I'd not fit in well because I'd struggle to catch ants and eat them. Other monkeys have other insect religions though so maybe I'd be better off elsewhere.
I'm not saying it's something I'm thinking of pursuing but it's always good to have emergency life plans eh?
My plans for next year have been scuppered recently, so I am now clueless about what I'll do next year. But, on a plus side, I am seeing James Bradwell pretending to be a prostitute on Saturday night, and I have been spending more time with some really great people recently. Things could always be worse.
I'm starting to wonder, the number of times I mention James Bradwell on here, they might find this blog in millions of years and he'll become the next deity everyone worships... that'd be cool.
Speaking of religion, I heard something the other day about how monkey's have religion. This science guy was talking on the radio about how certain groups of monkeys eat ants and if you don't eat ants, you can't hang out with them. Apparently 12% of their poo contains ants, for no reason at all health wise. It's just what they do. I reckon I'd not fit in well because I'd struggle to catch ants and eat them. Other monkeys have other insect religions though so maybe I'd be better off elsewhere.
I'm not saying it's something I'm thinking of pursuing but it's always good to have emergency life plans eh?
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