Recently I've taken on the project of getting my body back to how I want it to be. I've piled on sneaky pounds for just shy of a year now, and I'm done with it now. I have a real limitless stomach and nothing seems to make me full anymore, is the main problem.
Entering the gym again this week has made me evaluate just what I want to be and who I want to be. I've always been in there feeling like my sports kit wasn't good enough: that I have the 'hiking' Nikes and everyone else has the running ones, in a better colour. I've presumed that my sports kit looks stupid, that I should be doing more time, faster. I feel like everyone in the gym is looking at me and watching to see when I crack. The gym is full of two types of people, I think: people who love themselves, and people who hate themselves.
This week, I've had an essay to finish for Monday, a German aural test today which took a lot of prep time, a 2000 word report due for Friday, two friends' birthday Friday night, work Saturday and Sunday, and an assignment due in on Monday. I have had no time for revision and I thought I'd be more stressed than I am. But for some reason I've been pretty cheery and happy about it. It's so good to get lots of stuff done.
There's always the same personality traits to work on as well: speak less about myself, speak less, be there for the people who need you, do the right thing blah blah blah. But it feels like some of those are happening even through this process of constant work. I feel like I'm becoming me - if that makes sense.
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