Mistakes

I guess I'm going through a bit of a hard time at the moment. Sometimes when you crack, people can be in the middle of their own mess and they don't need to deal with your stuff. I don't like to make a fuss really but I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. I mean really, I've been dreaming it. It's not anything scarring, nothing terrible is really happening to me. It's just feelings, and everything happens at once you know? I feel a bit like I've been doubly clobbered and my actions make everything worse lately. It's got me questioning who I am, I seem to always have love at the top of anything else I may be searching for. That means I end up falling for incompatible people and messing myself around - only to turn around and blame them. I'm only picking up on the patterns that keep repeating themselves. But the worst person I've ever gone for in terms of being an awkward situation has turned out to be the best, because he might be the only person who is really willing to listen to me - years later - and as am I for him. I'm lucky to have someone that valuable in my life no matter what happens. He might be thousands of miles away but he remains my rock since I was just a 17 year old girl. Though I am sorry for everyone I hurt in that process, but it's been the best thing for me.

The only reason I'm posting anything this personal is because I've stumbled trying to think of what to post on here. Also because my viewings are teeny now that I haven't been posting it anywhere online I don't feel it's too attention seeking to write something more emotional on here... it's really an online diary.