Panic

I think the emotions I've had frequently recently are as close as I have ever come to panic. I wake up every day around 6am and feel like someone is holding my chest really tight. I've often been waking up holding my cushion really really tight too, which is weird. I take ages to get to sleep because I feel so stressed about everything, and then I wake early and panic and in between I've been having horrendous nightmares.

It's really not a great feeling, I'm normally such a relaxed person. I'm starting to seriously worried about what my head is doing. It seems like a lot of the patterns I'm used to are being rearranged and flipped in my head. I'm not acting the same way I normally do to a lot of things. A bit freaky.

In other news, I bought a bonsai tree. My second house plant now if you count the basil.

My reading thing! I was going to talk about my reading resolution for this year. I have been BATTLING with this book called the Establishment by Owen Jones. It's very VERY wordy and whenever I start to read a bit I get super sleepy very quickly. But I have been trying to get past it!!! I will leap onto other books as soon as I get through more of it! I'm going to write up a schedule tomorrow and finishing that bloody book is going to be a priority, though it is one of the most affluent versions of my personal opinions when it comes to politics it's not an easy read.