Pendulum

  Life, I am quickly discovering, is like a swinging pendulum, balancing from one extreme to the next. At the moment I've been so busy working, it's almost like my own thoughts disappear and I can't really be myself when I'm there. Then when I arrive home - shoom - all my thoughts gathered, waving at me on my doorstep. Hey Pops! Remember us?! Let's think about all that stuff you've been ignoring all day! As a result, days seem to be dragging endlessly. It's felt like Sunday for about 4 days to me now, every time I check what day it is - oop, it's still Sunday!

  So I get to this point of annoyance, at the positivity buzz. I wouldn't say I'm particularly negative, or positive. I think I swing between the two. Sometimes, optimism and appreciation isn't the right force and it isn't what you need to help you feel better. Kind of like that emotion you get when you're furious and someone tells you to: "Calm down." I've been following Motivational Tweets or something on Twitter, and they posted this the other night when I was in an atrocious mood:

  On a good day, one can look at this and think, yes, jolly good, fuck you life and so forth. But on a bad day, being reminded that others have risen above their desire to just sit and be miserable just makes you bloody well miserable. More so than you were before you saw the photo. A strange thing indeed. I'm all for motivation, but I find that if I'm given it at a point where I am vulnerable or not capable of processing it productively, there's just no point. Come back and try again later.