Learning

  Every time I find myself in a low situation, I think immediately about what I believe is to be learned from that situation. I analyse straight away for my mistakes. But often I don't realise until afterwards that my mistakes are commonly made in reaction to the mistakes I believe I've made already, if that makes sense. Say for example you don't speak to someone for a while, I would find myself angry about the few things I said during that period of not talking to them, when actually as you're telling yourself these were the problems you make many more mistakes as a result of that.

  As much as I have tried not to be, I am extremely passionate, just like my mother. And it could most likely be one of my main problems through life. I have a nice hobby of making rash decisions when I'm furious and saying bad things and lashing out at people who aren't to blame, and then about 10 minutes later I'll feel blissfully happy and not understand why I've made them upset. I admire my friends. How do you do it. I even know as it's happening that I'm being a bitch.

  Last week was very trying overall, you know everything falls apart in one go. But actually what I have learnt this week is that only you can accurately make decisions for yourself about what kind of situation you are in. Everyone needs advice but actually it's down to you, you know all of it and not just what you've said, remember when you're passing on details to a friend more often than not there's moments in your head where you think "Actually it wasn't quite said like that..." Devil's in the detail and all.

  But also I've learnt, don't. be. a bitch. Sounds simple doesn't it? Well when you travel back in time and your life was running like hell from the ugly boys in kiss chase and being called 'Fartalot' on a daily basis, (one accident in reception), it's not hard to understand where my defensive and melodramatic tone came from. Anyway. Nighty night.