Aged 17, going on 38... we're only at the doorstep of our lives, but I'm not ready to believe that I haven't experienced life enough to understand things. I get really miffed at those adults who say things like: "Oh well that's life" and that "It'll be the same as you get older." I'm tired of some adults acting like we don't know anything. Because I think we do, everyone grows up a lot faster than parents recognise. I've been talking this through a lot recently with one person, and it's made me think a lot about it.

  The change happens as we start to keep secrets from our parents. We tell our friends instead, and it's okay that we don't tell our parents things. We're becoming our own person and not theirs anymore. Someone was saying to me about how parents have to learn to be interesting to their children again, otherwise with that gone and the authority gone, why would the child stick around? I think it's a fascinating point of view, but I think there's a sense of guilt which makes a tie between the generations. I feel - I don't know if anyone else feels the same - but I feel like I owe my life and everything I have to my parents. I don't want to feel like that, parents are the ones who brought us into this world out of their desire, not ours. I love this, listen to Sidney Poitier's speech:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtHGA6zlsnA

  Within a middle class realm, I can empathise with any situation. Think about it. Whenever people come to you with a problem, pretty much every time you can think of some experience which is connected somehow no? I've seen death in many forms, had to deal with family problems, lies, falling out with friends, set backs in my 'career' (I'm counting exams as that because it's all path building), I've seen people hurt, tried to help people and been unsuccessful. I've been hurt and let down and I've learnt how to deal and recover from these things.

  Self-discipline is the hardest lesson. I still struggle to refrain from getting back in contact with people who I know are no good for me, but I'm getting better and visualising the crashing sense of regret you feel afterwards. Most days, that's enough to deter me from any further damage. Learning to work harder and to trust yourself as well, is going to be such an important life skill. Really everyone just wants to be the same as everyone else, no one wants to think about self-improvement. I don't want to apply for student finance. That requires dealing with it BY MYSELF. Leave me alone.

  How am I going to get myself to the point where I can control myself enough to manage my life effectively? I wish I knew how to do that now, but it'll happen. But I'm not a little girl and I'm certainly not as naive as older people might believe. Sometimes I'm childish or stupid, but I am aware I'm being an idiot, I just am not sure how to stop my impulses; doesn't mean that I'm immature.