Scared

Tonight I am filled with all the things I am afraid of right now. I feel angry, vulnerable and doubtful. I am afraid of my exam on wednesday, I am afraid of my future and I am afraid of my relationships with different people. Of course having begun to learn to suppression technique, it is inevitable that it forces its way out of your throat at various intervals. (I don't know how you suppressors do it, it's exhausting.)

The amount of stress that is both surrounding me and being supplied by myself makes me feel as if I'm stood in a large room and there are invisible forces pushing in against me and I can't breathe. It doesn't help hearing everyone else's troubles at the same time, trouble's that affect you. I would never not listen to anyone, but sometimes it can be a little over-bearing, you know? I just feel rather lonely and more frightened than I think I've ever been. There are so many aspects of life coming closer that I am clueless as to how they'll turn out. And I'm scared.

Sometimes I can't figure out if I'm putting myself in the same situations as well, or whether they're different. It's confusing when people can be so totally different and yet when you question your emotions you feel exactly the same in both cases.

On an alternate note, my hands have smelt weird all day. I keep washing them but they smell like tomato sauce and soap... not pleasant.

Night.