http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XG_0iV2B40

Today I had a sudden sort of epiphany. First day back at sixth form, I was sat in the common room listening to the same girl who always screams about her life and smelling the same gone off milk and I kind of changed my mind about everything. I always used to lie in bed when I was little at night thinking 'I could run away. I could go right now.' I never had anything I was running away from, I just had this extreme urge to go. So today, on roughly my 1145th day of South Wilts I almost felt that it was unbearable any longer.

I wake up every day and do the same thing, which I'm not convinced I enjoy. I'm studying three subjects, one where my teacher hates my group, one where I don't enjoy the topic any more and one which isn't quite what I'm interested in. I'm going from sixth form into a university. I'll learn stuff for another 3 years before I can start my life and I'm not sure I can do that. I always thought if I dropped out I'd have a chance to actually succeed in a spectacular way, because I'd be forced to prove myself. Who knows what I'd do. Everything I suppose.

3 months left, today that sounded like a lot to me. I'm not sure any of it is what I wanted. I just want to find some people on Gumtree, move into a flat in London and begin. It sounds mental, but that's always what I've wanted. Salisbury seems so dark and oppressive.

I want to take a cookery course and be a chalet girl for a year.

I want to go to strange countries and eat food that makes me ill and get spat at by a camel.

I want to learn 5 more languages and learn how to surf.

I want to get away, now. Waiting till summer seems horrendous and far. So I guess my option now if a differed entry, which means I need to work out what I mostly want above everything else and go for it. Which means I need money blah blah blah. I could set up some kind of work for myself, buy and sell. Seems simple enough.


Aaaaaah help me.