I don't really know what to talk about for this post. I've had a dull weekend of working and nothing else. I'm sort of frustrated I've not been able to go out more. Having spent so much time with mum lately, (dad's been away), it is hard only talking to someone who's 50 when you're 16. She doesn't remember that impulsive feeling. Earlier, mum asked what I wanted to do and I said I just felt like getting on a train and going and doing something crazy. Her answer was this: 'You've got Manchester next Saturday' as in, my open day, for a university. Not quite the same as getting away TONIGHT to go and get some fresh air, something exciting. In the car beforehand as well, I said 'we should go driving one day' and she said 'well... we will?' and I said 'No, not to get anywhere, just to go driving.' and she just looked at me like I was mad.

I guess it's just because I feel a bit confused at the minute, I don't have a direction. I've decided to leave the play till I'm older, it needs to be written by an adult looking back on teenage life, not a teenager. I'm not yet focused on a single audience, which makes it hard. It doesn't work for teenagers, because, and I quote James Kelly 'It's shit.' And it doesn't work for adults because my parents didn't get it. I don't really get it yet either, and it is shit but I've got a style and I'm developing that.

So now I've been reading plays either that Barney's sent me, or I've bought. I bought one called 'Ecstasy' which is pretty funny. I think I want to just put on an already written one. I'd love to do the Aliens, but it's an all male cast and I don't know if I'm cut out for directing. My plan? My plan is to chill the fug out and keep breathing, because that way I won't die. My philosophy is priceless.

As a tip for people, I've found a way of waking yourself up and getting rid of that sort of sad feeling you can get in the evenings when it gets dark. For anyone like me, who's extremely affected by light or dark, the sun makes me happy, night makes me really low, even if I'm around people, then this helps. You plug into your iPod or computer, (as in, with earphones), and you turn up the volume really loud, then start a song. It shoots right through you, but it wipes out any feeling in you. Don't do it when you're grumpy though, you'll just get really mad and throw stuff... yeah don't do it.

If you're bored, go onto amazon and type 'Brainbox Candy' it's this hilarious brand of cards, I could read them all day:

(these are my favourites)

I get really vivid flashbacks listening to this song, I love how music can unlock stuff you forgot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSeNSzJ2-Jw