I realise I haven't blogged about New York much, well barely at all. But for some reason, I can't really remember any of it now. I remember there was one point where I thought 'This is definitely something I should mention' and it was kind of deep and moving, (like all of this is obviously *cough*), but it's completely gone.

I guess one thing I can talk about america is the people. You have two types of people we encountered on our trip there, filthy grumpy or completely over the moon 24/7. The first, you would find in any branch of Starbucks, (what a surprise), the second working in shops and bored shitless, or just generally being around. And there was a hilarious woman, who drove past us on a corner of 9th avenue, and she had her window wide open, she was a large black woman, dressed to the nines. She drove round singing at the top of her voice out of the window 'Pleaaaaaase let me through here!' in a huge stage timbre.

There were so many people like that, you'd see them and think I will remember you for the rest of my life. Of course I haven't, but that's the way it goes. I'm constantly frustrated at forgetting stuff like that, it scares me a bit. It's like when you hear a song and you fall in love with it, but you forget to write it down and then you have no way of finding it again. That kills. And then it got me thinking, what if I one day walk past someone who is meant to be really important to me, and I forget them? Sometimes you see people, and there's this thing, you instantly connect. Whether it's someone you would probably be amazingly good friends with, or someone maybe you'd be good with, there's a moment. And then they're gone, and you'll never see them again because you didn't seize the moment.

I always thought when I was younger that I'd have this ability to stop things like that happening, like I would go out there and get what I wanted and make myself and as many others happy as possible, but I don't seem to have that yet. I'm scared I won't find it in me before I need it to start my life, and then it'll be wasted.

Also, I've come a long way from where I started morally. The first job I can remember wanting to do, was taking shopping trolleys full of food to starving people in Africa, I promised myself I would. I thought I could take roast chicken and stupid stuff like that, of course I couldn't. But now that's gone and I want to go into acting? How shallow is that? I also had this strange thought earlier where I suddenly wanted to go into business, but that's such a crap world to be in, no one is nice. No one has your back. I don't think I'm sort of the type to be able to take being with people who aren't nice. I think it affects me quite a lot, I always take too much of what people say to heart.

I'm scared.

Sadly like this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFMz1AdMr1c

And Jessie, you know I get that thing sometimes when I know something is coming, and it always results in the same thing?

Well, I can feel something coming. About fucking time.