Don't worry though, I won't ever get one. Georgina keeps drawing all over me and then saying 'If I died today would you get this tattooed on? And I'm like, no. And she gets all upset.
Today, I had my ego publicly reduced by my english teacher, who said 'Not to embarrass Poppy BUT...' and went on to explain how wonderful I am for having handed in work despite being ill. She made me look like a right nerd in front of everyone. Also, showed Miss Evans my cartoon from yesterday because Emma mentioned it so she wanted to see it, and she laughed so hard I thought she was going to die. She eventually went off and photocopied it and put it up in the art office. Should probably be worried she's not put any of my artwork up there...
I've come up with a list of things to sort out personality wise this year, so what I'm doing, is taking them on one at a time to try and perfect myself. I know what you're thinking, pretty hard to do, but you know what, I have things to learn.
The first change will be my ability to be so open. Yes, we should all be able to talk about how we feel, but that doesn't mean everyone should know just because you have a stupidly loud voice. I really don't mean lots of people to find out things about me, I seriously can't help my volume. My whole family speaks loudly, I'm just used to it. So, subsections of this clause are speaking quietly and not mentioning information if it needn't be mentioned. Wish me luck.
But tonight, I'm going to talk about ways we react to sad events or stress or traumatic stuff. I'm constantly interested in people's reactions to things. I've recently been aware of the way some people shut down when something happens, they don't want to think about it at all, like they've learnt complete control over their minds because of past experience. Some people can literally turn it on and off. The problem is, this doesn't deal with it. And it means they don't speak to anyone so they can't get it off their chest.
I find that when I have something bad happen to me, or I'm upset, I'll hide it for a little while, then I'll tell the most important person to me, normally Jessie, who's received so many teary phone calls from me. Problem is after that, I feel a bit better for a while, then I'm unhappy again, so I tell a few more friends, then more, then more, then my art class, then Miss Evans and it gets too wide. I'm not secretive enough about stuff. Well, the stuff that matters I am. Sometimes when I think about everything in one batch I get confused and my brain hurts so I get upset because I hate not understanding things.
Other people react vastly differently. Some people like to bury themselves in more destruction to make them feel like they're used to dealing with it. Some people completely crumble and everyone finds out about their problems. The really messed up kind of person will disappear off the radar for a while, ashamed that telling anyone would be attention seeking. I think it's all terribly lovely, the way we react to that stuff. It's sort of wonderfully fucked. That's the great thing about being this age, you fuck up and it's like yep, that should happen. Or it's manageable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjoxmgBjfYM
This is us guys, and I'm proud to be a bit of a twat sometimes. I'm young. Fuck it.
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