Because I've been absent for SO long and let you all down, (*sarcastic awkward laugh* haaaa....), here's a joke to make up for it. Sorry if it causes any offence.

A man goes away on a business trip, and goes to the pub one night. In the corner, he sees a salesman with a cage, so after a few pints, he goes over to the man and asks what's in the cage.

The salesman says 'It's a weasel, you want it?'
The man replies: 'Why would I want a weasel!?'
And the salesman tells him: 'Because this weasel gives the best blow jobs in the world. Tell you what, take him to the loo for a while and see for yourself.' So the man does, and he comes back from the loo and says:
'You know, that was the best blow job I've ever had.' And he buys the weasel.

When he gets back from the business trip, his wife sees the cage and says 'What's that?'
And he tells her: 'I bought a weasel.'
And she says 'Why on earth did you buy a weasel?'
He explains 'It gives the best blow jobs in the world.'
Exasperated, she asks 'Well what do you expect me to do from now on then?'





And he says: 'Teach it to cook and then FUCK OFF.'